A Wee Hors D'oeuvre To Curb Your Appetite.

I know I have not been updating as much as I did last semester... and mostly that is because (a) I have way more shiznit going on this semester and (b) there is not *nearly* as much crazy stories to fill you all in on!  Here's the thing.  Beibs is off the island in 5th semester now.  So is Philip.  Theodore failed and is off island until January.  Talking about pumpkin and watermelon just got old.  And sad.  Mostly just really sad.  While I was home on break and looked at some of those posts, I'm all - 'well that is unfortunate.'  So there goes a good majority of what I was writing about last semester.

However, I whole-heartedly believe there will still be things to keep you all updated on!  Let's just start with the basics - school.  This semester is all about the bugs, drugs, and pathology. Hella interesting. Hella overwhelming.  There are no more anatomy dissections, but we now have 'behavior labs' which include lots of patient interviews, interview-training-skills, learning how to deal with 'difficult patients'... things like that. We also have community clinic visits, and ICM (intro to clinical medicine) where we learn the physical exam type stuff.  All this adds to the insanity of the weekly schedule, but it is a LOT of fun I think!  I am also still in PaCE.  And I am tutoring 1st and 2nd semesters.  And attending meetings with the faculty of pharmacology as a tutor to make me a *better* tutor in the department. And I think that is it. Oh, and also these Clinico-Pathological Conferences that are optional (but a good idea) to attend each week.

So there is a boy in my class, lets call him, Ralphio.  He's *pretty* socially competent.

There have been little doses of him throughout first and second semester, but he really stepped up his game at the end of last semester while we were both in the Barbados airport on our way home for summer break.  Spoiler alert.  He is of asian descent.  As in he is fully asian.
 So we are sitting together in the airport, killing time.  I am telling stories.  Telling jokes.  Just being my regular upbeat-sunshiney-rainbows-and-lollipops sweet self.  Ralphio is lovin it.  Then he's all 'you know  - I have never seen this side of you before!  I have never seen you smile this much!'   Um thanks?
So I'm all 'what do you mean Ralphio?  I'm  *always* like this!'
'Well you are always so....sharp.  And a little abrasive.  Like, I kinda guard my carotid when I see you. You should be like this more often!'

Noted.

A few mins later he turns to me and is all "do you by chance have scoliosis?"
I laughed.  "um no! What makes you ask me that Ralphio!?!  Are you referring to the hump on my neck!?"
"Well yes.  I have noticed it and wondered."  Ah, totally normal.
"No Ralphio.  I just have a very prominent C7 and it gets worse after studying.  I'll get all fixed up when I'm home.  I've got my people on standby."
Then he brought up how Megan told him a little bit about my past back problems, so I told him a bit about that whole wonderful experience.  He listened intently.  At the end, he looks at me, pauses, and says "wow.  You have really been through a lot!  With all the back problems...and your acne vulgaris!"

Yes.  Thank-you-captain-obvious.

And he pointed our my moles.  Made sure I was watching them.

We are assigned ICM groups for the entire semester, and I'll give you one guess as to who is in mine.

Ralphio.

While we were out on our first community visit, we were reminded before hand to not use big medical jargon.  So, you know, instead of 'hypertension' say 'high blood pressure'.  That sort of thing.  Well Ralphio is *very* by-the-book sort of boy.  So he really takes this to heart and runs wild with it.  It was mid-way through our interview with a patient, doing a quick review of all the systems, when I hear, "now Mr. Salsbury how are your BALLS. Any lumps or bumps or anything with your BALLS?"

As he is asking this, he has his hand in the reverse-pickle-jar-hand position, demonstrating what I imagine was supposed to be the gesture for grasping ones' balls from the bottom and pinching them.

In the same interview, sweet little Ralphio takes over asking about sexual-history.  He's a direct kind of guy, but he has a tendency to also stumble a bit.  "Now Mr. Salsbury... the next questions are protocol for every patient.  It involves asking about sexual history. Is that okay with you?"
Mr. Salsbury is all, 'sure lil dude whateves.' (more or less)
"Are you sexually... do you and your wife engage in.... do you and your wife have.... engage in sexual intercourse?"  He got quieter and quieter as this super-direct question went on, to the point where he was near a whisper/not breathing at the end.

Mr. Salsbury is all "what's that now?"

Poor Ralphio attempted again, until Mr. Sals looks at me and is all 'what is the question?'


During an ICM training day, another guy in my group was doing a little General Survey, asks the patient to open their mouth wide and say 'ah'.  He reports back "no deviation of the vulva".

The instructor looks directly at me and in unison we shake our heads 'nope that's not quite right'.  Try again slugger.

Of course this is hilarious, and later I am telling Megan about this little mix-up while we were practicing ICM with Ralphio.  All 3 of us start killing ourselves laughing.  Ralphio the most.  He's friggin slappin his knee. Clutching his stomach.
Laugh finished.
Ralphio - silence.  - "remind me again what is the vulva?"



In another behavior lab, Ralphio is conducting another interview (this time the patient is this sweet little local girl), and gets to sexual history.  He learned from his past mistakes of stumbling over his words.
"So Miss. Sunshine... I need to ask about your sexual history. Are you comfortable with this?"
"Yes."
"Okay Miss. Sunshine.  Are you sexually active?"
"Yes."
"Okay Miss. Sunshine.  Do you have sex with men, women, or both?" Front. Back. or both? Any animals in there? Inanimate objects? Any other weird fetishes I may not be able to think of right  now but come to mind for you?

Poor Miss Sunshine burst out in fit of uncomfortable giggles, shocked by the question as she timidly replies 'meeeeen!"

Afterwards, during our debriefing of the interview with the facilitator, he's all, "so yeah, we may have to work on your approach there."

I don't know.  I thought he *nailed it*.

Great Balls Of Fire

... I'm back on the rock...

day 2 of classes.

Nothing I can think of to write at this point.

Except to say how freaking AMAZING it is to have one of my BEST friends here with me now!  Double the stories you guys.  Yeah.  This is about to get even more ridiculously fun.

I had a wonderful break at home thanks to an amazing family and friends.  You all rock my world. You are my much-needed-underwire.  ie. essence that is the support of the bra.  Which we all know I need. Both for my breasts and the 'bra' that is my life.

I don't have any funny stories yet.  BUT I was cleaning up my email inbox and came across this.  Don't entirely remember writing it.  But it sure does sound like something I would say.


Shit is basically its own life form staring back at describing its level of happiness with your inner workings of your insides!!! if it's pissed off.. you'll know. if it's happy.. you'll know.  if it feels ignored... YOU'LL KNOW. shit needs to be respected.  because if it turns on you.. YOU'LL KNOW. and will you be happy? no. 

I am totally with you on this one.

More to come

xoxo