Really Random.

... Because I woke up at 3-freaking-AM because I've been nocturnal for a week.


A week on night float for Ob-Gyn rotation.
Turns out it is even more mind-blowingly-terrible than days on ob-gyn.  Perhaps because the assholes who run this hell-hole-rotation somehow think it is appropriate to let students leave at 5pm during the day (making it approximately an 11hr day), yet on nights you are there from 6pm until morning rounds are over... and it goes like this... start at 7am and *could* end by 730-745am, but residents are a special breed of evil who don't give a flying-shit about students, thus, even if they are done with report they will continue sitting at the table (while students sit up against the wall because we can't sit at the big kid table) gossiping about patients or debating some ridiculous 'guideline' and going in circles about it.  During all of which students sit there awkwardly in silence, because obviously we can't interject into the 'conversation' nor can we get up and leave without properly being 'dismissed'.  Then, on top of that if there is a lecture that starts at 8am, night students are required to stay.  So that puts you to 9am.
Eugh. Whatever. I'm tired even just typing about it now.

I'm done night float for ob-gyn. That's all that matters.  I guess you could say I survived.  But that really depends on your definition of 'survival'. 



Ever wonder about what else happens when women push so hard to get a baby out of their vaginas?

They poop.

It really is true.  Sure - not every woman.  But yes. I've seen it.  And smelled it (is 'smelled' a real word? smelled? smelt? smelled? whatever. I really don't care).  It's not so much the smell of amniotic fluid and placenta that makes me have a minor gag, it's really the adult poop so close to my face. I guess poop is poop, but still, that part of it really did not make the highlight reel of this rotation.


Things that did become a highlight include:
- this itty bitty 24yo who initially was really struggling through the pain, yet did not want an epidural.  However after a couple hours of writhing pain she accepted the God given gift of anesthetic in the epidural space.  She was then able to relax and rest.  After giving her an hour nap, I go in with the resident to check on her.  She is all smiles.  "how are you feeling?'  "great!"  "do you feel any of the contractions?"  "Nope. Not really.  I'm just comfortable." "okay great.  well we will just check you and see if you have made some progress."  Resident checks her cervix and quickly looks up at me with wide eyes and is all "get the table and glove up. The baby's head is almost out".  We crazy-quick get everything set up, break down the bed, get this girl repositioned, and I look down and baby's head is literally a cm from crowning.  I look up at her and she is just straight up chillin', and texting.  We are like - okay put down the phone and how about you give a little push.  She gives a little "mmm" wimpy push... baby's head crowns.  Okay another push. "mm".  Head out. One more. "mm'.  Shoulders out.  Body out.  Welcome to the world kid.

- scrubbed into my first c-section, the attending puts the scalpel in my hand and is all "feel comfortable?"  me - eyes wide with excitement - "yes sir!" There's just something about making a sweetly smooth cut through flesh that really makes me come alive. you know?

- a patient with chronic hypertension with super-imposed severe preeclampsia and a severe intra-uterine growth restricted baby in the less-than-3rd percentile.  This woman was 28 weeks along, but because of the chronic growth restriction, the baby had not grown at all in the past 4 weeks - putting it at the development of a 24weeker.  Due the the severity of her preeclampsia, a code 30 (30mins from decision to incision) was initiated.  I was scubbed into this c-section and seeing something so tiny come out of something so large what truly astonishing.  I couldn't help but look over at the awaiting NICU team as they immediately intubated this little life that came out weighing 1pound 11ounces.  Their precision and skill is not something to underestimate.

- and of course suturing up abdominal fascia layers still makes the highlight reel at this point in my life.



I don't really have anything left to say at this moment.  I'm a little confused as the the day and time and what I'm doing with my life.

So,  in summation.


I'm counting down the days left in Ob-Gyn and I will get through it.  And never look back.  I will smile and be professional until 12pm friday afternoon, which is when I put the pencil down after the shelf exam, then I will walk away and sing Sara Bareilles' song "Sweet as Whole" at the top of my lungs over-and-over-and-over-and-over until I feel recovered from this living nightmare.

Sometimes I can be perfectly sweet
Got this sugary me stuffed in my sleeve
And I talk of ponies and rainbows and things
And I'm just who you want me to be

But like most creatures down here on the ground
I'm composed of the elements moving around
And I grow and change and I shift and I switch
And it turns out I'm actually kind of a bitch

But that only happens when I get provoked
By some piece of shit asshole we all sadly know
And I sit and I write while reminding you all
That mean songs are still better than going postal


And that guy's an asshole
That girl's a bitch
Baby it's natural
No gettin' away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy he's just an asshole
Oh-asshole
Asshole
Asshole


I see I've surprised you with some of my words
And I know that surprises, while fun, still can hurt

And I hate to think that I ruined the day
Of the dick and the queen of the high horse parade

But I'm sick and tired of your poisonous ways
Your toxin wasting perfectly good space

And I say what I think
'Cause it's more economic than drugs or a drink


That guy's an asshole
That girl's a bitch
Baby it's natural
No gettin' away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy he's just an asshole


And I won't let him in
Under my skin

You're a sad sack of shit
That's pathetic
Just a festering sore
Who will never be more than that
If I don't let it


And that guy's an asshole
That girl's a bitch
Baby it's natural
No gettin' away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy he's just an asshole
 

So sing it out with me.  

If you were to ask me how 'things are going'

How I feel about finishing this rotation

How's Ob-Gyn!? you ask.


I miss psych


As if waking up at 3am is not cruel enough in-and-of-itself...

Ramada has thin walls.

Over the sound of the show I was watching in bed I can hear something... I'm all 'what's that!?!' So I turn down the volume on my computer.  Hear nothing.  Okay I'm just hearing things now, awesome.  Turn volume back up. Hear it again - like a gasping sound followed by a type of scream.  I'm all, 'oh my gosh is someone getting attacked outside!? Could I be hearing the sounds of a notorious crime in this town!?" 

Suddenly that gasp morphs into a moan. 

Followed by more shouts.

But I quickly realize the screams of "YES! YES! YES!" are not that of a crime of attack, but that of my neighbors having very loud sex. 

I turn up the volume on my computer to full.  I cover my ears.

More than a little over-the-top moans continue while my ears and soul bleed. 

"OH BABY! YES!"

I'm all ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!?! WWWWWWHY!!!!

I guess a crime really was committed in the wee hours of the morning today. A crime against me.

A crime against my ears. A crime against my already wounded soul.



I shall be taking an extra, extra amount of melatonin tonight.