Try Not To Be Jealous. I'm Just A *Really* High Functioning Person And Happen To Be Really Normal. I'm Just Naturally Blessed Like That. Please Contain Your Envy.

Once again, I am in the full shit storm of another mini season.  And I'd love to write, but the issue is, I have *too much* in my head right now that it comes out super schizo. Major underlying cause for this - other than me just  being me - is lately I haven't *just* been my crazy self. I've been my insomniac-crazy-self.  Full disclosure.  It is. not. pretty.
In light of not having enough time (cause it would take ma-ha-ny hours. and probably should be billable by a trained professional) to give you deeper insight into what I mean, I am just showing you a couple emails that have been sent. These are snippets.

This one was sent before mini 1. When I was still 'holdin it together'.  May I add, quite well.

My first exam is monday and im in full stressed out freak out mode. fine tremor in distal extremities. heart burn. 
I have no freaking filter right now. 
blurting out whatever comes to mind. walked past this douche wearing those sock shoes. and I turn to katie and said in whisper (!!) I hate those shoes. 
shes like 'girl you can't say that out loud!" im all "it wasn't loud!"
and even if he did hear. I don't care. and as if he can make the connection. I mean, I could have been talking about anyone's shoes. who's more correct in this. tell me please. me. 

In recent news... I thought I was going to get a negative P card (professionalism) today because I kinda snapped on my ICM preceptor. the woman is freaking tough. which i am all for. she likes perfection and has high expectations of us. frankly I'd rather have that than someone who is lax and I learn nothing from. her I am scared shittles-skittles. So I friggin learn. however, she crosses a line and is disrespectful and tears people down. You can be asked a question, answering correctly. She will stop you if you even take a breath, then finish to make it seem like you are an idiot and don't know the rest.  There's some people in my group who literally have shaky voices and shaky hands they get so rattled by her. 

so today she is yelling at us to feel our own thyroids. in this specific way. which i was. and she yells at me "WHY YOU NOT LISTENING. WHY YOU DOING IT LIKE THAT! YOU DO IT WRONG!"

so I look up at her. lock eyes. and  I'm all "listen. I AM doing it!" and then repeat, verbatim, what she just told us to do. and demonstated it as such. and then went 2 steps further than she had even told us (because i got together with another doc on the weekend and went thru this exam with her so that i WOULD BE PERFECTLY prepared for today!!) 
I said all of this is a sharp tone keep in mind. as soon as it was all out of my mouth. I sat there. eyes locked on hers. my head was all "shit.shit.. I'm soooo getting a P card."
but you know what. I WILL FRIGGIN GLADLY TAKE IT. I stood up for myself. and everyone else she already kicked in the balls. so be it. 

Her response. 'okay fine.'

then she kept going thru the physical exam and pointing to something and be like "why would you look here." or "what would you find in this condition". and i nailed EVERY one. 

which forced her to say over and over. yes Elle is correct. 

suck it. 

and I never got a P card. 

then I went to go tutor with katie. and there is a PBL session in there til 450 technically. and we start at 5pm. 
they were late to leave last week and we told the facilitator that we had a tutor session in there. 

so its 510. and we are still waiting. so i knock and open the door and he's like 5 more minns. so I say 'okay thats fine. but we have a tutor session in here. so thanks for keeping that in mind."  I said it respectfully!

katie was all "i cant beleive you did that!!!" 

we knew no on ewas even going to come anyway so we really didnt need the room. but I'm all 'IT'S THE PRINCIPLE!!!!"


then we waited more than 5 mins and eventually just left. so now im trying to study.

oh gawd. im totally going to end up in jail one day for murder. 

will you be my conjugal visit??


fill me in. i need a laugh.or just hearing the inner workings of a sane mind. 

obviously im long past that. and i dont think i ever really began there. so im just screwed 



This was more recent.   
I think I'm getting more and more socially awkard. It is deeply upsetting. today I got sucked into going for lunch break with the group of people I'm 'friends' with. [side note: I use friends in quotes like that because, well, they all have expiration dates and would stab me in the back if given the opportunity] and we're all sittng at the picnic table and i was being quiet. just so out of place for some reason. then all of a sudden i could feel this anxiety build up inside of me and started getting flushed. Heart pounding. and I just had to leave. so I got up. and everyones all "umm where are you going??" I practically stuttered 'i.i.i.i.just need to get back to work. bye.' 

and then walked away. 

I went to the gym this afternoon. got groceries. made dinner. showered. got ready. and was walking bck to the classroom and passed 2 guy 'friends' who were just coming back from the gym. we did the curteous stop. Which I really am just not into these days, because I have nothing to say. Small talk is ridiculous. and these are the times I'd rather just not engage. and keep walking. maybe give a head bob + 'hey'.  Not even a "how's it going", because that's rhetorical. and I really do *not* care 'how it is going', so just keep walking buddy.  
Having nothing else to say, my brain came up with 'oh you're really sweaty. good for you. mmm'


then I kinda stepped off the curb weird, and my 'friend' was like "whoa there slick' and I couldnt even come up with a sarcastic remark. just a stare. yea. that just happened. 

evidently, this is how i get when im super-intensity-intense now.  very socially awkward. this is a new thing for me. im *pretty* sure I never used to be like this. 

even at the gym, the boys were all there. I finished my run. 'normal' me would go over, have a ridiculous conversation, spoken exclusively in the language of sarcasm. Say "bye" like a normal human being living functionally in society.

but did I do that?? noooooo. I just keep my head down and run out the door.

Sooo.. this was all *before* the insomnia hit. 

xoxo

First Hospital Visit.

As I mentioned before, on Tuesday of this week I went for my first hospital rotation.  I am quite sure I will look back on this as a kindergarten-like-hospital-experience. But for now, it marks a milestone.  

We left the campus by 8am. Drive over an hour to the hospital. Get a quick introduction, and then assigned our rotations.  I was placed in Internal Medicine with 2 other colleagues and we were supposed to be shadowing the doctor for the morning.  This more or less happened.  She was coming off a night shift and was catching up on paper work, so she's all "okay I'm going to finish this... but you go talk to those patients, do a physical exam, and then we will discuss later."  So we just jumped right in there.  And it was awesome.  It was the first time I've truly felt like "omg. those things I've spent so much time studying are really in my brain, and I know how to apply them!"  Talking to real patients, getting their life stories, putting together the pieces of their puzzle and coming to the right diagnosis.  

While we were pretty much on our own, the doctor finally came over and I presented the patients to her.  We discussed differentials, diagnostic work ups, and appropriate treatment options.  

The afternoon was essentially the same, except instead I was placed on the men’s surgical ward. I was with a different doctor who was definitely more than intimidating.  Afterwards he made us debrief for a long time, present our patients to each other, and probe the more urgent/relevant questions.  He was incredibly harsh, but in the best sort of way. He had his own high level of expectation and he was going to get - it even if he almost made one guy cry (I'm pretty sure he cried when he got home though).  You just guard-your-nutsack and take it because it wasn't personal.  I walked out of that debriefing feeling like I learned more with that man in 30 mins than I could just studying for 100hours. 

I wish I could have pictures to show you all, because I am *not* going to do this justice... this hospital in and of itself is heartbreaking.  It's third-world. I walked into the ward and it was a definite "oh. my. gawd." moment.  It was basically an extra wide hallway. Very very sick patients crammed in there.  The beds are what we would consider 'cots'.  There are no complete walls.  It's all open to the outside and the fans and cross breeze are all you get.  

Randomly, all the nurses wear totally white outfits, white tights, complete with those stereotypical white nurse hats that you have to pin in.  

The only hospital I have seen so far worse than this one was during YWAM outreach in Vanuatu. 

I was told by several people (who know I am 99% sure I am staying in Dominica for 5^th semester) that as soon as I do my hospital days here I would change my mind.  Everyone typically comes back from PMH days and thank the Good Lord they are out of there and off this island in 60 days (as the countdown stands now).  However, I truly feel it is a unique and amazing opportunity to get experience in a hospital like this. I’ve always wanted to do medical missions, so why would I shut away being able to start here? Plus, I'll be able to have a lot more hands on experience during 5^th… seeing as they don’t care * quite * as much about, you know, laws and regulations, and such. 

Getting a bit off topic, but point being, I had an amazing experience on Tuesday.  It was incredibly hot and exhausting. My feet were swollen like a MoFo. I friggin had Charlie-horse-cramps in my calves the rest of the night, as I lay motionless in bed.  Turns out there was not a lot of time for eating and drinking all day. 

I am definitely still catching up on the week.  Having a mini exam takes A LOT out of you.  It really takes a couple days to recover from them. But there was no time for that this time with having hospital the next day.  But I think I finally made up for it – last night I was sleeping (non-drug induced!!) before 7pm. Yes. That is correct. 7pm.  And slept in till 740am this morning.  Grandma status: Check Check.

Sometimes I Feel like I have Dissociative Identity Disorder Which Makes This Story Slightly Random. And Long Overdue. And Not Very Good. I Apologize.

I hope you have not forgotten about me. I keep meaning to write, but then I remember that nothing has really happened, and I am actually sort of boring.  Which is lame to think about, let alone write about and subject you to read about.


Me writing this now doesn't actually mean something of ridiculous significance has happened, but out of fear of pissing of people who *claim* they check for a new update everyday (to which I call balderdash) I am going to write about the little insignificant things. And pray they mesh together to form something worthy of your approval. But then again, I'm not what you would call 'a-people-pleaser' so technically I don't actually give two-little-pebble-sized-deer-poops. I'm going to write. You're going to read. It will bond us.


So this one starts at the beginning of last semester... a new pack of fresh meat. "The Firsties". Brought forthwith a boy.  A boy I named Norman.  Norman is the 'all-american-boy'.  A southern boy. Accent included.  Sweet predisposition included.  QB of the football team.  All nicely packaged up into a tanned, toned, 6-pack ab body. With the muscular V thing. You know what I'm talking about?  The one that make Smart girls Stoopid.


Have you ever seen girls swoon over a boy?  I have. Thanks be to American-Honey-Norman.  It was as if over night ever girl on campus knew him. loved him. wanted him. were all over him.  And in my head he knows it.  So of course I find it all very obnoxious.  Partly why I named him Norman.  My brain, no matter how overcome with IslandFever, will not fall for someone named Norman.


Being in first semester meant that Jen and Rene knew him already.  I guess you could say they were 'good acquaintances'.  Which meant that on at least 2 occasions I was introduced to him.  I like to think I make remarkable first impressions, but I have come to find this is far from the realm of reality (which I have also learned is almost enough to meet a criterion for 'bizarre delusion', which would meet a requirement for schizophrenia. all of which is deeply upsetting. but I digress).


The semester flies by, and once again it comes time for the party-of-the-semester: Splash Bash.  Which was after the "big game", ie football final game between 1st/2nd semesters (american-honey-QB) and 3rd/4ths.  Upper semesters dominated.  It was *highly* entertaining.  In that it really wasn't.  However, I can't deny the slight entertainment value in seeing how upset boys get over losing a football game that literally means nothing (but act like its the Stanley Bowl Super Cup).


I got together with the girls.  Wine was had. Complete with our own dance party in Jen's apartment.

We headed over to the Pre-Pool-Party.  I need to remind you all that I live in the schedule of an 85 year old - in that I prefer to be tucked in bed by 9, sleeping by 10pm, and up much before the sun. So when it is passed my bedtime and I've had a few glasses of wine, my brain is floating in a happy sea of over-tired-delirium. 
 [NOTE: I started this post what feels like a life-time ago.  Have been way too busy. And in the spirity spirit of just getting this stupid thing over with, the rest of this story is going to be quick and messy. forgive me.]                                                                                                                                one point I'm near Norman, so we start talking.  I comment on the game. blahblahblah. I felt like he was looking at me with a 'you're not cool enough to be talking to me' look. So I'm all "do you even know who I am?" He's all "yea. Jen's friend"
"Yes. that is correct. but what is my name hotshot?"
"Ummm... I'm sorry I don't know."
"Well that's a shocker.  That's alright though. I just call you Norman. Cause you look like a Norman to me. You're cool with that right?"
"Umm no. no not really."
"oooo. well thaaaaats too bad. Cause it's caught on."


Then I turned and walked away.  Leaving poor Norman so unaware of what just happened.  


So of course, since that happened, I run into this kid EVERYWHERE. The first time post-splash-bash was a curtesy 'hey! how's it going?'  Both of us with a big 'yes-that-really-happened' acknowledgement smile.  
 


There's a bit more to this story. But I have a lot of shit to catch up on (and I mean that in the sense that we are in GI module again, and all week have had lectures on diarrhea. oh so much talk about poop. oh poop, you've bested me once again). 
I have catching up to do because we had our first block exam on Monday. Tuesday I was at hospital rotation all day (which I'll write about later). Wednesday turned into 15 hour lecture/work day. Thursday was writing my hospital paper, ICM, SIM. Yesterday was all day lectures and still trying to catch up on Wednesday's shits.  Then make the brilliant decision to go to a White-Out-Highligher-'Gathering' last night. And now I delirium tremors. 


xoxo

It's In The Little Things

I am slightly OCD over certain things. one of them being chemicals in 'beauty products' and in food. This raises a problem when you bring a new set of particular shampoo/conditioner to your thirdworldy island. only to have that shampoo/conditioner more-or-less-poison you through a non-chemical poison. forcing you to get rid of it. and thus brings me to ration off the last of my 'healthy' shampoo.  its a sad moment in a girl’s life when she is standing in the shower filling up the empty shampoo bottle with water, shaking it, hoping to get just a little more out of that poor bottle, pouring foamy water on her head in place of a good lather. This sad girl happens to be me. Trust me - I looked at every single effing bottle of shampoo they have stocked here. and every single one has sodium-laryl-sulfate plus a half-million other badshit indgrients. and I just can NOT bring myself to buy it. I just can't. I've had it in my hand. Standing in the aisle being all 'come on it won't kill you... at least not right away... it will be fine... it is a known skin irritant though... and may cause hair loss... shit... my skin hates me so obviously it would be even more pissed off if I let this touch it...nooo I'm sure it will be fine... go to the check out... don't think about it...NO I can't do it!!"

Then I get heart burn. And throw the bottle back on the self. Tell all the shampoos they are all assholes and can suckit. Turn and walk away.  

I'm sure people have seen me do this. And obviously they stop and watch the batshitcrazy girl in the grocery store having an angry conversation with the shampoo.  Full disclosure. This also happens in the peanut butter aisle.  Even though I have checked close to 394 times, I still look at the ingredients and see added hydrogenated oils and sugar and salt and I'm all "you bastard!!! Why would you do that to yourself!?!" 

On another note - I've seen way too many of those HORRID, disgusting, offensive, nauseating 'five-finger-sock-running-shoes' that certain guys insist on wearing.  I do not understand them.  Apparently they are supposed to be good for running?  Fine – whatever, but why then do these people wear them on just an average day. I thought I left behind the days of stomach-turning-shoe choices burning my eyes when I said goodbye to the socks-and-birkenstock-wearing-sweedhearts of Victoria. It appears this may be a life long battle my eyes have to go through. 

Your toes look stupid all separated like that.  And you as an entire person look. Ridiculous. And not the good kind.

So I had my practical exams on Tuesday. Mini 3 (cardio/respiratory) was yesterday (Wednesday).  Now I just have to study for the final and I’m home free.  I have never been so excited for winter in my entire friggin life.  I want it all. The snow. The cold. The Christmas lights. Decorated tree. Gingerbread lattes. Fireplace.  If it is in the book of cliché Christmas traditions, you can bet your toned ass I will be partaking.

However, they may be a potential bump in place for the journey home.  You see, Liat, the carribean ‘airline’ (they pretend to be at least. I’m pretty sure their CEO is satan trying to ruin peoples lives) has gone on strike.  Yes, all their pilots called in sick. No flights. So I am reaching out to you all for some extra prayers they resolve this before Wednesday.  Otherwise I’m effed.  OR, if you happen to know a helicopter pilot or any other type of pilot that just happens to be in the Caribbean… you let me know.  Maybe get me lifelifted out of here. I’m pretty sure this constitutes an emergency situation.

Anyway, this post was kinda all over the place cause I started it on one train of thought. Then forgot about it for a bit, tried to pick it back up. If it appears schizo that may be why. 

 Keep the airline shiznit in mind and think good thoughts. Send out those prayers.

Back to studying.

xoxo

Whoa Bear. Whoa. What A Trippy Trip!

Well, that last post was a trip wasn't it! Don't worry, I'm much less stabby right now. Despite being a really busy week and feeling things pile up, I was finally able to have 2 semi decent nights of undisturbed sleep (some disturbing dreams but that would take me a few posts to fully explain and would probably scare some of you so let's skip that) I am feeling *slightly* more human.  Which I am thankful for. Plus, I really think that God was looking out for me and knew I needed some cheering up, thus I am now pleased to have the following 2 stories to tell you...

story one.
Last Friday I called it a night at the barn, packed up, and headed home.  As soon as I crossed the street and got onto the sidewalk, this local couple kinda jumps out in front of me from this little place called "the courtyard". There is some pushing and shoving involved, so my first thought was they were just flirtatiously wrestling.  A little more on the aggressive side perhaps.  But then there were punches being thrown. His shirt was ripped. She was screaming. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw him shove her to the ground and try to keep her pinned there as she kicked and punched him.  I turned to the other locals sitting at the courtyard and I'm all "is anyone else seeing this?!?!".  They jump up and run over to try and pull these two apart.  By then she had gotten back up and now they are fighting on the gravel road.  It takes 4 people to peel these two apart.
They let go of the woman.  She is pisssssssssed.  She walks over to her purse on the ground and I see all the contents strewn about. She bends down and picks something up.  Thinking she is going to be just walking away. Oh no.  She comes walking straight towards me.  Carrying a HUGE rock.  She makes eye contact with me.  I pooped my pants a little. Said a quick prayer that should would not have any displacement of anger.
She obviously needed to get past me, and like a lady, I stepped aside to clear the sidewalk for her mission.  She took two steps past me and I turn around to see where she is going.  Turns out, to the car I was standing right beside.
Slow motion picture it: guy being held back by 2 other guys. arm outstretched as he says 'NOOOOOOOO'.  one pissed-off-woman-on-a-mission-carrying-huge-ass-rock raise said rock above her head and then propel it with all her mighty-might into his car windshield.  Shatter.


I. Die.


I politely get out of the way.  Then see this guy (I'm assuming in tears now) get into his newly-decorated car and just drive away.  The rock was obviously still on the hood of his car, because his driving away was followed by a glorious CRUUUUUNCHing sound as he drove OVER the rock.


So obviously that was fun.


Story Two:

I haven't stopped laughing about this one for 4 days.  Jen and I went to the gym, then got a few things from the store. Jen picked up a bottle of wine.  She had been trying to get eggs for at least the past 2 days, but every time she goes to picard grocery or iga they are completely out.  Which is kinda devastating for us, as eggs may or may not be keeping us alive. So when we got back to the apartment we parted ways at picard so she could check one more time for eggs.  I turn and start walking towards the apartment as she turns the other way to walk into the store.  I get literally about 2 steps away and then  I hear this sound which is kind of hard to describe with words... but basically the sounds of some really harsh footsteps with an 'off'' sort-of pattern about them - which you instinctively know someone is tripping and trying to recover.
I whipped around just in time to see Jen still valiantly trying to recover, yet defying gravity by being suspended horizontally above the cement.  With arms outstretched at her side, the grocery bag containing 2 grapefruits and a bottle of wine cushioning her fall, it was if she would make contact with the ground but her feet just wouldn't give up! They were wrapped around each other and kept on moving like a speedy-little-road-runner, thus continuing to propel her further as she kept bouncing off the ground with her knee and hands and elbows.
She finally made full contact about 5 feet from where the original feet-entangling-action-occurred.  Right. In front. Of the store door.  Full of witnesses.

I ran over to her as quickly as I could as she stayed down on the pavement with the most priceless look I have EVER seen on a person's face.  It was a mix of 'I'm-not-sure-im-okay'/'hey-how-did-i-get-down-here'/'shit-that-was-really-embarrassing-and-im-not-quite-sure-how-to-gracefully-recover-from-this'/'the-bitch-running-towards-me-is-never-going-to-let-me-live-this-down'.

Obviously I'm a really good human being and thus an amazing friend because my first reaction *TRULY* was that of concern.  I swear.  I'm all "JEN ARE YOU OKAY!?!?" Before I could even make it to her people were coming out of the store to make sure she was okay too.  I helped her up as she was still trying to figure out what had just happened to her.  Shake it of girl. Shake it off.  We did a quick assessment of her wounds and concluded she was in face A-OK.



Literally every time I walk past the store now I start giggling because I can picture Jen down on the pavement with the most precious stunned look on her face.

Jen claims she did this on purpose because she knew I needed a good laugh and knows the delight I take in seeing people eat it hard.

What can I say. When Jen giveth... she giveth the crap out of it. One of the MANY reasons I love her.  She fully commits to all things.  Never half-assed. Although she did hurt half her ass.

Pictures to come.

xoxo



ps. in case you were wondering... the bottle of wine did NOT break.  And yes. We polished it off.
pps.  her wounds are healing nicely. except she claims she damaged the cartilage between some ribs.
ppps. a part of me hopes the healing process is a little bit slower because on average, I get about 50 glimpses of them a day... and they make me relive the entire ordeal and laugh until my abs hurt.
pppps.  I'm pretty sure I will come back with a 6 pack from this. Jen really gave me an incredible gift.

I Would Give Up My First Born To Come Home

Maybe I'm having a 'low-in-everything-type-day' - like food, estrogen, energy, patience, sanity etc etc... but I basically have a more intense level of hate for all things Dominica than usual.

And to all you annoyingly positive, 'if you change your attitude you wouldn't mind it so much' people, I say to you... until YOU experience medical school *alone* you can shut-it. And when you go through the insanity of med school on an assbackwards-allthingsabnormal-intensity-of-hell-fire-heat island that is Dominica, you are at risk of getting yourself cut. by me. and I'm not far enough along in my medical training to be able to stitch you back up. So that sucks. For you.

In case you haven't noticed. This is me venting.  Which means this is not the time to say anything rational to me. Because you can *almost* be guaranteed that what you say and what I interpret will be vastly different.  And then you will really get hurt.

So let us summarize. And all agree.
1 - medical school is hard. full stop.
2 - dominca sucksass.
3 - even the sun hates this island and several times a week, tries to set it on fire.
4 - becoming a doctor (and being one) requires a lot of sacrifices.
5 - I'm not the sanest person right now.
6 - when I come home a *little* worse-for-wear you pretend to understand and just tell me I'm still pretty as you calmly stroke my hair.

Crap. It Happened Again.

Having too much time pass before an update that is.

Well, and I guess crap crap happened again as well.  Got up in the middle of the night to go pee. No big deal. Except for that I flushed.  Which *normally* isn't a bad thing.  But living in Dominica makes all things ridiculously abnormal.  Wake up this morning, and it is only after my morning shadoobie do I realize that there was a lot of rain over the night and there is no water.  I used my one free-toilet-flush-pass unbeknownst to me. 

So while I have no shower water, kitchen sink water, or toilet tank water... I DO have bathroom sink water.  So I spend a good 20 mins filling up a little cup (as that is all that will fit under the faucet) and slowly - but surely - fill that tank up.  And praise-the-Lord, am rewarded with a great flush and free my apartment from having a seeded stench.
My father taught me a thing or two about getting your self out of a potential mess.  A tip-of-the-plumbers-hat-to-you-dad.


As far as life/school goes... the schedule is ridiculous. We are finally in block 2 which feels good.  It's a shorter block, and is JAM-PACKED, but that means before I know it we will be in block 3.  Which means well on my way home.  It's a mental leap I know. But I'm friggin excited to come home. So that's my thought process in its current state.

Okay so I really can't think of anything to tell you except what is on my mind right now. So here it is:
1.  Pineapples and Pumpkin out. Sadly.
2.  GRAPEFRUITS *totally* in.  They are ahmahzing.  I went to the store and got 13.  I had sweat through my clothes by the time I hauled them all home.  But I marked it as a beyond productive workout, and called it a day.  They are huge. and just amazing.  Then God was all - 'because I need to give you something else to fixate on and keep your foodmoods up....I am putting baskets full of grapefruits in Picard grocery' (right beside my building)!!! Therefore, saving me the torturous walk/haul!!!  It's really the little things you guys.  I could literally hear the Angels singing when I walked into Picard and saw all the grapefruits. Okay the singing *may* have been my excited squeal.
3.  Having Jen here is the best.  We keep each other laughing all day long.
4.  We had a 2 hour lecture today on "Systems Based Practice: Making Changes"... and we now have an assignment called PIP - Personal Improvement Project.  We have to come up with an objective - something we want to change about ourselves to make us better. For example - Lose weight. Get more sleep.  Study more effectively.  Start the work day earlier. etc etc. We have to write a little proposal to submit.  Track our progress.  Re-evaluate.  Make changes in the practical execution process if necessary. Then, in 3rd week next semester we finish the report. Reflect on it.  And ideally become a better person or whatever.  My first thought was  - well crap.  This project is going to be really tough because I'm already an amazingly awesome machine!  But then...after much introspective thought and reflection...it came to me.  The ultimate PIP.  I've already begun implementing the course of action.  I can't tell you what it is. Yet.  But I *can* tell you - it is going to be borderline.ridiculously.amazing. I plan on working hard and revealing this 'self-improvement outcome' when I am home in December.  PS. you are on this journey with me, because telling you all about it now is part of the accountability portion.

So there you go.  filled you in on crap. and crapcrap. 

You're welcome.

PPS. any guesses as to what I could possibly decide to conquer in my quest for "above-awesome-me"??  If you can't think of anything I don't blame you.  It's *pretty* tough to think of any place for improvement for this hot-mess.

xoxo