A Wee Hors D'oeuvre To Curb Your Appetite.

I know I have not been updating as much as I did last semester... and mostly that is because (a) I have way more shiznit going on this semester and (b) there is not *nearly* as much crazy stories to fill you all in on!  Here's the thing.  Beibs is off the island in 5th semester now.  So is Philip.  Theodore failed and is off island until January.  Talking about pumpkin and watermelon just got old.  And sad.  Mostly just really sad.  While I was home on break and looked at some of those posts, I'm all - 'well that is unfortunate.'  So there goes a good majority of what I was writing about last semester.

However, I whole-heartedly believe there will still be things to keep you all updated on!  Let's just start with the basics - school.  This semester is all about the bugs, drugs, and pathology. Hella interesting. Hella overwhelming.  There are no more anatomy dissections, but we now have 'behavior labs' which include lots of patient interviews, interview-training-skills, learning how to deal with 'difficult patients'... things like that. We also have community clinic visits, and ICM (intro to clinical medicine) where we learn the physical exam type stuff.  All this adds to the insanity of the weekly schedule, but it is a LOT of fun I think!  I am also still in PaCE.  And I am tutoring 1st and 2nd semesters.  And attending meetings with the faculty of pharmacology as a tutor to make me a *better* tutor in the department. And I think that is it. Oh, and also these Clinico-Pathological Conferences that are optional (but a good idea) to attend each week.

So there is a boy in my class, lets call him, Ralphio.  He's *pretty* socially competent.

There have been little doses of him throughout first and second semester, but he really stepped up his game at the end of last semester while we were both in the Barbados airport on our way home for summer break.  Spoiler alert.  He is of asian descent.  As in he is fully asian.
 So we are sitting together in the airport, killing time.  I am telling stories.  Telling jokes.  Just being my regular upbeat-sunshiney-rainbows-and-lollipops sweet self.  Ralphio is lovin it.  Then he's all 'you know  - I have never seen this side of you before!  I have never seen you smile this much!'   Um thanks?
So I'm all 'what do you mean Ralphio?  I'm  *always* like this!'
'Well you are always so....sharp.  And a little abrasive.  Like, I kinda guard my carotid when I see you. You should be like this more often!'

Noted.

A few mins later he turns to me and is all "do you by chance have scoliosis?"
I laughed.  "um no! What makes you ask me that Ralphio!?!  Are you referring to the hump on my neck!?"
"Well yes.  I have noticed it and wondered."  Ah, totally normal.
"No Ralphio.  I just have a very prominent C7 and it gets worse after studying.  I'll get all fixed up when I'm home.  I've got my people on standby."
Then he brought up how Megan told him a little bit about my past back problems, so I told him a bit about that whole wonderful experience.  He listened intently.  At the end, he looks at me, pauses, and says "wow.  You have really been through a lot!  With all the back problems...and your acne vulgaris!"

Yes.  Thank-you-captain-obvious.

And he pointed our my moles.  Made sure I was watching them.

We are assigned ICM groups for the entire semester, and I'll give you one guess as to who is in mine.

Ralphio.

While we were out on our first community visit, we were reminded before hand to not use big medical jargon.  So, you know, instead of 'hypertension' say 'high blood pressure'.  That sort of thing.  Well Ralphio is *very* by-the-book sort of boy.  So he really takes this to heart and runs wild with it.  It was mid-way through our interview with a patient, doing a quick review of all the systems, when I hear, "now Mr. Salsbury how are your BALLS. Any lumps or bumps or anything with your BALLS?"

As he is asking this, he has his hand in the reverse-pickle-jar-hand position, demonstrating what I imagine was supposed to be the gesture for grasping ones' balls from the bottom and pinching them.

In the same interview, sweet little Ralphio takes over asking about sexual-history.  He's a direct kind of guy, but he has a tendency to also stumble a bit.  "Now Mr. Salsbury... the next questions are protocol for every patient.  It involves asking about sexual history. Is that okay with you?"
Mr. Salsbury is all, 'sure lil dude whateves.' (more or less)
"Are you sexually... do you and your wife engage in.... do you and your wife have.... engage in sexual intercourse?"  He got quieter and quieter as this super-direct question went on, to the point where he was near a whisper/not breathing at the end.

Mr. Salsbury is all "what's that now?"

Poor Ralphio attempted again, until Mr. Sals looks at me and is all 'what is the question?'


During an ICM training day, another guy in my group was doing a little General Survey, asks the patient to open their mouth wide and say 'ah'.  He reports back "no deviation of the vulva".

The instructor looks directly at me and in unison we shake our heads 'nope that's not quite right'.  Try again slugger.

Of course this is hilarious, and later I am telling Megan about this little mix-up while we were practicing ICM with Ralphio.  All 3 of us start killing ourselves laughing.  Ralphio the most.  He's friggin slappin his knee. Clutching his stomach.
Laugh finished.
Ralphio - silence.  - "remind me again what is the vulva?"



In another behavior lab, Ralphio is conducting another interview (this time the patient is this sweet little local girl), and gets to sexual history.  He learned from his past mistakes of stumbling over his words.
"So Miss. Sunshine... I need to ask about your sexual history. Are you comfortable with this?"
"Yes."
"Okay Miss. Sunshine.  Are you sexually active?"
"Yes."
"Okay Miss. Sunshine.  Do you have sex with men, women, or both?" Front. Back. or both? Any animals in there? Inanimate objects? Any other weird fetishes I may not be able to think of right  now but come to mind for you?

Poor Miss Sunshine burst out in fit of uncomfortable giggles, shocked by the question as she timidly replies 'meeeeen!"

Afterwards, during our debriefing of the interview with the facilitator, he's all, "so yeah, we may have to work on your approach there."

I don't know.  I thought he *nailed it*.

Great Balls Of Fire

... I'm back on the rock...

day 2 of classes.

Nothing I can think of to write at this point.

Except to say how freaking AMAZING it is to have one of my BEST friends here with me now!  Double the stories you guys.  Yeah.  This is about to get even more ridiculously fun.

I had a wonderful break at home thanks to an amazing family and friends.  You all rock my world. You are my much-needed-underwire.  ie. essence that is the support of the bra.  Which we all know I need. Both for my breasts and the 'bra' that is my life.

I don't have any funny stories yet.  BUT I was cleaning up my email inbox and came across this.  Don't entirely remember writing it.  But it sure does sound like something I would say.


Shit is basically its own life form staring back at describing its level of happiness with your inner workings of your insides!!! if it's pissed off.. you'll know. if it's happy.. you'll know.  if it feels ignored... YOU'LL KNOW. shit needs to be respected.  because if it turns on you.. YOU'LL KNOW. and will you be happy? no. 

I am totally with you on this one.

More to come

xoxo

You Know It's Time To Come Home When...

*Super* excited about "Spa Day" in Dominica.

 You know it's also time to come home for a break when you can no longer support the weight of your own head.  I woke up the other day and my neck was in total spasm.  All my neck muscles were being defiant little a-holes, screaming "screw you girl. We've totally had it up to *here* with you!" 

Considering I had to turn my whole body to turn to talk to someone coming to say hi while I was studying at my cubicle...let's just say *certain* people took notice.  
That being said.  I had 2 offers for neck massages.  Followed by an email with "I just remembered I have a good lotion for neck and shoulder pain if you want me to bring it in tomorrow" in the subject line.     


Today my neck was still totally bitching at me.  So I studied at home all day.  Here's a picture to show you all.  

I'm not trying to kill myself.  I swear.  It's my do-it-yourself-neck-brace.   And yes... my head DID get bigger.  The effects of studying. Thanks for noticing.
  It's a thing.  Look it up. 

You can see why boys fall for me.  I'm *quite* attractive.  






xoxo




ps.  I actually wrote this yesterday (monday) but apparently didn't hit the 'publish' button.  Yeah.  It's time to come home you guys.  


Off to write my final exam in a couple hours.  Pack.  Quick celebration.  Then get picked up at 4am to begin the kick-ass-journey home.  

I'm Going to Need To Be Slowly Reintroduced Into 'Normal World' Living In 4 Days.

Sorry you guys, I think I just got a little lost in the whole "Harold Nonsense" and *totally* left out another stupid-and-not-actually-important part of the story...

So it was at least 4 days after finding Beib's blog with Harold that B finally confessed to me that it was a FAKE blog.  That's right.  That particular day was a Friday, because while I left to go be all Mother-Theresa-ey he created this fake blog predicting that I would go to Harold for the site.  He would than pass it on.  And whatever he thought would happen next is really a mystery.  Can you believe that!? What... An A-hole.  For SHAME!

He's all "So you never actually read the blog that Harold sent you?"

Oh poor sweet unsuspecting beibs.

I'm all "No Beibs.  I didn't.  I DID ask him for it.  But you know what... I just figured that it wasn't my place to read it.  If you had wanted me to see it, you would have given it to me yourself."

"Oh man.  Now I feel bad!  You have a heart-of-gold!"   Yes.  Yes I DO.  Thank you for noticing.

Then he's all "I totally thought you would read it! That kinda back-fired.  I wished you had read it.  It was probably the most honest thing I have written."

Well maybe that will teach him that you can't mess with me.  It usually doesn't end well for the party involved.



On another completely pointless note.  I haven't made it to the market the past few weeks because time is oh-so-precious (plus watermelons are done and my dream of bringing back 20lbs of glorious-goodness was killed).  With that... I have some new that may shock some of you - I have been *pumpkin free* for over 2 weeks.  I know.  Whoa.  Thus, I have really had to step up my culinary genius.

I'm *pretty* sure this is spinach. avocado. I see some beans floating around in there.  And maybe some rice pasta.  Oh yup - there is pasta in the bottom. 

I'm gonna be honest.  This one made me sad.  I was having an 'off day'. Avocado. Beans. Rice pasta. 

Rice. Beans. Avocado. Eggplant.  The *key secret* here is 'variation'  Add a little something new and it's basically a whole new experience for the palate. 

Furthermore, my shadoobies no longer look like that of an Oompa Loompa.  Which makes me oddly sad.


xoxo

I'm the Most Boring Person Ever.

First of all, some of you may not have heard from me in a while, or if you have they were uncharacteristically short and boring.  Reason being we have been wrapping up everything with classes etc as I explained in the last post. Which then marked the start of the hellish grind to the finish.   Last Friday was last day of classes, then Interdepartmental Case.  30min lunch break with Megan.  Last PaCe quiz till 3 (*almost* stabbed one of my table ‘colleagues’. But didn’t.  Although it would have made for a better story if I did).  Then went to SIM lab to practice heartsounds, airway management, and some other skills for my Clinical Skills Practical exam.  Finally got back to my apartment.  Sat down on my bed.  And just stared at the wall in silence.  Hand tremor.  Trying to figure out if I will go into fetal position on the bed?  Or hug my knees and rock-back-and-forth?  Turned out neither.  I was just frozen as I starting thinking about all I still have to get through before the exams this week. 

Ten minutes later.  I pulled my mental shit together, put on my big-girl-panties, and went back to the barn to study the rest of the night.  Saturday and Sunday were spent all day in the barn studying.  Maybe you can try to picture me:  wearing my baggy purple scrub bottoms, huge sweater, with the hood up, glasses on, headphones in.  In essence I oozed ‘don’t-even-think-about-talking-to-me-or-you’ll-be-stabbed-or-at-least-cut’. 

Monday – histology practical exam (cumulative semesters 1 and 2)

Tuesday – Mini 3 exam (reproductive and integumentary)

Wednesday – Anatomy lab practical exam

Thursday – Clinical Skills practical exam

And finally… on Tuesday the 16^th will be the final exam.

Now I have to get back to studying. 

So close to being home for a GLORIOUS break!


What.  A boring update.  Sorry.

xoxo

Sometimes I'm Brilliant. Sometimes Not So Much.

Welcome back!  Wow.  It was quite the journey to get to this site.  What... a whirlwind.

In case you don't already know - since all this 'googling-slash-making-alias-creation' happened (I think it was last week? NO concept of time here) school has been on a whole new level of crazy.  Or so it seems.  We are now in final week of classes, and that also means wrapping up final anatomy lab dissections, lab demonstrations, PaCE sessions, Interdepartmental Clinical Cases, tutoring, etc etc.  All the while feeling like I am barely keeping myself from totally drowning under the actual-basic-studying that needs to get done.  Bottom line is that I have meant to write here.  But haven't. Whoopsies.

So quite literally the day after I wrote my last post (not the actual time stamp on it here) I'm talking with IslandBeib on skype.  Every once in a while (as in a lot) he sends me random youtube videos or links to just the randomest things ever mostly... and so on this particular day he's telling me how he has found out there are all these people out there with his same name.  Then sends me a link to a model's profile on this modelling agency site.  I'm all "well that's neat.  But how on earth did you find this? And WHY were you looking under models?"
He's like "my friend Harold found it."
So I'm not thinking and say "well have you at least found funny dirt on him?"
"No. I've been trying, but haven't yet.  But I will find dirt on you.  I'm gonna work my google-magic."

Stomach. Flip.

"Umm yeeeah.  Don't do that."

"Oh I think I have to now!"

"That's creepy stop it! Besides you won't find anything anyway because my real last name is not _____!!"

"Oh what? Really?"

"Yeah. It's _____."                   Sometimes my ability to lie on the spot comes in handy.

Then pause....

While I *knew* he was googling the fake last name I sent him.  I got onto my old blog in record time and shut-that-sucker-down!  As soon as I hit 'delete blog' he's all "did you buy chance live in Jacksonville, FL at some point?"

I'm all "maaaaybe.  I'm not at liberty to discuss it. I can't believe you googled me! Crossed the line dude. Crossed.  The.  Line.  For shame!"

Meanwhile my heart is still racing and now my brain is simply screaming CHANGE THE SUBJECT.


Crisis. Averted.

A couple days later.  Theodore sends me an email saying "would you mind stepping outside for a minute?"

Um. Okay?

So I get up and go outside.  He's not there.  So I go around the the back of the barn and he's still in his cubicle.  I go sit down beside him.  Smile.  "hey what's up."

"Hi.  Why would you say that about me?"  Shit serious face on.

"What do you mean? Why did I say what about you?"      I actually never thought he was referring to the blog because the guy doesn't even have facebook since he thinks it is a waste of time.  I *know* he wasn't going to go out searching for some stupidly ridiculous blog!

"Are you serious?"

"Um Yes! I *literally* have no idea what you are talking about right now. But, if you fill me in then perhaps we can figure it out."

"I can't believe you said that. I thought we were friends."

So now I'm just getting annoyed.

"Theodore.  I honestly am not at all following this right now."

"Well I guess they were lying."

"WHO was lying!?"

"Just kidding!"  Big Smile on his face.  "I made this treat for you!"  I look and see he made me this dessert thing he once told me about consisting of avocado, almonds, raisins... or something.

WHAT THE FRAGGLE ROCK JUST HAPPENED!?!?

"I made this for you!  I was just playing."

So I punched him and was all "why would you do that to me!"

He's giggling "I just wanted to see your reaction.  I know how sweet of a girl you are so I know that would confuse you."

Yes.  Yes I AM sweet.

"I hope you like the treat!"

Okay so I know some people might think 'oh that is too weird.  He must know something.'  And to you I say - no.  That is literally his off-beat-sense-of-humor.  Another example of this - the day before he did this to me, I walked into the barn at 645am and saw that there was some books and highlighters put down at the table at my chair.  Gertrude sometimes puts her stuff there (not so much because anyone will beat me to that spot.  But just out of sweet loyalty) so I look over at her and she's all "that's not mine!"

The day before there were these girls that seemed mad that they could not steal my chair.  So we both were like 'oh my gosh! They came in extra early and deliberately took that spot.'  I've only been sitting there every day for the past 80 days.  Whatever.  I'll just sit over here. See who it was.  Then kick their ass later.
Then Gertude, whispering even softer, "it was Theodore! Just pretend I didn't tell you and just move the stuff!'
Yes.  He was in there hiding in his cubicle watching my reaction.  Again I say, just his 'way'.  So I wasn't worried after this last 'joke'.

I got back to my seat and IslandBeibs could see me laughing - so he wants to know what it was about.  So I tell him (not so brilliant).  He's all "there's no way that is just his sense of humor.  He has something on you."
I'm all "are you kidding me! There is NOTHING! This is INSANE!  I barely talk to people to begin with here.  You think that's going to be my conversation starter?  Oh you know that guy Theodore!?! Well... let me tell you a thing-or-two-about him!   Yeah. No."

"Well maybe you wrote it.  Maybe you have a blog or something?"

"I don't have a blog.  What on earth would I write about!? And who on earth would care to read it! geeeez!"

"I dont know. Everyone has a blog.  I have a blog."            Perfect. Focus in on this and turn the attention the frack away from me.

"You have a blog!! I want to see!"

"No way"

"Fine. I can probably find it on my own."

So I go and send Harold a message - "what is Beib's blog? ps. sssshhhhh"

Then I had to go tutor.  A few hours later I am back. See message from Harold "here it is.  Don't tell him it was me who gave it to you."

So I sneakily read it. Fast.  The last post.... about me.  I. Die.

I read it so fast that it was really hard to actually make out if it was saying good things about me or bad things.  He does tend to have this odd way of saying things to me that leave me thinking "um riooght.  I'm not sure if that is a compliment or insult...."

More or less, his blog post about me was saying how it took him a month to work up the courage to talk to 'this girl' who he always sat behind in the barn.  "let's just call her "hottie with the body. HwtB."  (not lying).  And when he did she basically slapped him across the face!?  And she seemed to say "hahaha what are you going to do about it asshole!'
Um. What?

And then about how it's the island working against him because there's nothing to do here, but if this was back home it would *totally* be a different story because he would bring out all the stops on the best date.  Movie. Dinner.  Walk by the lake.  To his favorite spot overlooking the lake.
or something like that.  I got a little lost in the storm of confusion as I was speed-reading.

So naturally I panicked.  Harold was talking to me at the time, so I'm all "okay thanks for being super spy-like for me and getting that for me.  But I'm not going to read it.  It's really not my place."

Harold was like "wow. you are stronger that I am. I would read it."

"well I have a little thing called Self-Control.  Geez Harold."

"I know I need to work on that.  Well I'm going to read it.... Oh he totally wrote about you!  Oh he gave you a nickname!"

"oh geez.  Don't tell me. I don't want to know."

Stop judging me!!



I almost wish it all ended there and I didn't have anything left to tell you.  That's not the case.

more to come


xoxo

The Paranoia Sets In.

I am having a particularly difficult time focusing today.  For several reasons my mind is racing, and it turns into borderline obsessive paranoia.  My current overwhelming thought processes involve this blog because as my sister was reading it last night she's all 'TAYLOR! What if someone there finds this blog!!"

I'm all "no one is going to find it! that would be, like, impossible!"

She's all "you can just google your name!"

I'm all "well that's new.  Shite."

Now, it is NOT that I have anything *bad* to hide from... and if certain people WERE to find this and read certain stories they may be all 'umm this sounds ridiculously similar to me.  As in, this is EXACTLY what happened!"

Then they would probably confront me and be all "WTF Taylor!  You wrote about me!?!"

And I would have to say "excuse me?  Please show me to which you are referring.... Oh that? Are you for real right now?  Is your name Bernard? Theodore? Bieber? No?  I didn't think so! It's a small island okay. Haven't you had similar things happen to you before with different people! Geez.  Stop being egocentric!  Besides... why were you googling me you STALKER!"

Even though I'm *pretty* sure I could convince them this is the case.. I'd rather just avoid that whole debacle.  I am quite certain no one is going to google my name.  But in reality - people are weird.  And if they will creep my facebook page to get just that much more insight into who I am... they could very well google me. 

Because this paranoia has sunk in, I have been obsessively checking the stats on this thing to see if any hits from Dominica come in.  In doing so, I have discovered some interesting things... firstly there are an odd number of views coming in from the United States even though I'm quite sure I don't know anyone in the states right now who I have told I have this blog going.  Second, someone from Sweden stopped in today.  And I'm VERY positive I don't know anyone in Sweden, so that is kinda hilarious.  And thirdly... someone found this blog by searching for the Bristol Stool Form Scale (maybe the person in Sweden? I have no idea).  To that person, I apologize.  But shit.  It is funny that searching for shit forms led you to me.  A tip-of-the-transit-time-hat to ME.

All that being said, I have decided to change the address to this blog.  

Stay tuned

more to come

xoxo 




UPDATE:  this IS the new site so don't get all confused on me now.  I finally just got all the old stuff up on this one.  There is more ridiculousness to write about, I just haven't had the time yet.  What with studying and some tropical storm warning the past few days.  I promise I will get to it soon!