It's In The Little Things

I am slightly OCD over certain things. one of them being chemicals in 'beauty products' and in food. This raises a problem when you bring a new set of particular shampoo/conditioner to your thirdworldy island. only to have that shampoo/conditioner more-or-less-poison you through a non-chemical poison. forcing you to get rid of it. and thus brings me to ration off the last of my 'healthy' shampoo.  its a sad moment in a girl’s life when she is standing in the shower filling up the empty shampoo bottle with water, shaking it, hoping to get just a little more out of that poor bottle, pouring foamy water on her head in place of a good lather. This sad girl happens to be me. Trust me - I looked at every single effing bottle of shampoo they have stocked here. and every single one has sodium-laryl-sulfate plus a half-million other badshit indgrients. and I just can NOT bring myself to buy it. I just can't. I've had it in my hand. Standing in the aisle being all 'come on it won't kill you... at least not right away... it will be fine... it is a known skin irritant though... and may cause hair loss... shit... my skin hates me so obviously it would be even more pissed off if I let this touch it...nooo I'm sure it will be fine... go to the check out... don't think about it...NO I can't do it!!"

Then I get heart burn. And throw the bottle back on the self. Tell all the shampoos they are all assholes and can suckit. Turn and walk away.  

I'm sure people have seen me do this. And obviously they stop and watch the batshitcrazy girl in the grocery store having an angry conversation with the shampoo.  Full disclosure. This also happens in the peanut butter aisle.  Even though I have checked close to 394 times, I still look at the ingredients and see added hydrogenated oils and sugar and salt and I'm all "you bastard!!! Why would you do that to yourself!?!" 

On another note - I've seen way too many of those HORRID, disgusting, offensive, nauseating 'five-finger-sock-running-shoes' that certain guys insist on wearing.  I do not understand them.  Apparently they are supposed to be good for running?  Fine – whatever, but why then do these people wear them on just an average day. I thought I left behind the days of stomach-turning-shoe choices burning my eyes when I said goodbye to the socks-and-birkenstock-wearing-sweedhearts of Victoria. It appears this may be a life long battle my eyes have to go through. 

Your toes look stupid all separated like that.  And you as an entire person look. Ridiculous. And not the good kind.

So I had my practical exams on Tuesday. Mini 3 (cardio/respiratory) was yesterday (Wednesday).  Now I just have to study for the final and I’m home free.  I have never been so excited for winter in my entire friggin life.  I want it all. The snow. The cold. The Christmas lights. Decorated tree. Gingerbread lattes. Fireplace.  If it is in the book of cliché Christmas traditions, you can bet your toned ass I will be partaking.

However, they may be a potential bump in place for the journey home.  You see, Liat, the carribean ‘airline’ (they pretend to be at least. I’m pretty sure their CEO is satan trying to ruin peoples lives) has gone on strike.  Yes, all their pilots called in sick. No flights. So I am reaching out to you all for some extra prayers they resolve this before Wednesday.  Otherwise I’m effed.  OR, if you happen to know a helicopter pilot or any other type of pilot that just happens to be in the Caribbean… you let me know.  Maybe get me lifelifted out of here. I’m pretty sure this constitutes an emergency situation.

Anyway, this post was kinda all over the place cause I started it on one train of thought. Then forgot about it for a bit, tried to pick it back up. If it appears schizo that may be why. 

 Keep the airline shiznit in mind and think good thoughts. Send out those prayers.

Back to studying.

xoxo

Whoa Bear. Whoa. What A Trippy Trip!

Well, that last post was a trip wasn't it! Don't worry, I'm much less stabby right now. Despite being a really busy week and feeling things pile up, I was finally able to have 2 semi decent nights of undisturbed sleep (some disturbing dreams but that would take me a few posts to fully explain and would probably scare some of you so let's skip that) I am feeling *slightly* more human.  Which I am thankful for. Plus, I really think that God was looking out for me and knew I needed some cheering up, thus I am now pleased to have the following 2 stories to tell you...

story one.
Last Friday I called it a night at the barn, packed up, and headed home.  As soon as I crossed the street and got onto the sidewalk, this local couple kinda jumps out in front of me from this little place called "the courtyard". There is some pushing and shoving involved, so my first thought was they were just flirtatiously wrestling.  A little more on the aggressive side perhaps.  But then there were punches being thrown. His shirt was ripped. She was screaming. I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw him shove her to the ground and try to keep her pinned there as she kicked and punched him.  I turned to the other locals sitting at the courtyard and I'm all "is anyone else seeing this?!?!".  They jump up and run over to try and pull these two apart.  By then she had gotten back up and now they are fighting on the gravel road.  It takes 4 people to peel these two apart.
They let go of the woman.  She is pisssssssssed.  She walks over to her purse on the ground and I see all the contents strewn about. She bends down and picks something up.  Thinking she is going to be just walking away. Oh no.  She comes walking straight towards me.  Carrying a HUGE rock.  She makes eye contact with me.  I pooped my pants a little. Said a quick prayer that should would not have any displacement of anger.
She obviously needed to get past me, and like a lady, I stepped aside to clear the sidewalk for her mission.  She took two steps past me and I turn around to see where she is going.  Turns out, to the car I was standing right beside.
Slow motion picture it: guy being held back by 2 other guys. arm outstretched as he says 'NOOOOOOOO'.  one pissed-off-woman-on-a-mission-carrying-huge-ass-rock raise said rock above her head and then propel it with all her mighty-might into his car windshield.  Shatter.


I. Die.


I politely get out of the way.  Then see this guy (I'm assuming in tears now) get into his newly-decorated car and just drive away.  The rock was obviously still on the hood of his car, because his driving away was followed by a glorious CRUUUUUNCHing sound as he drove OVER the rock.


So obviously that was fun.


Story Two:

I haven't stopped laughing about this one for 4 days.  Jen and I went to the gym, then got a few things from the store. Jen picked up a bottle of wine.  She had been trying to get eggs for at least the past 2 days, but every time she goes to picard grocery or iga they are completely out.  Which is kinda devastating for us, as eggs may or may not be keeping us alive. So when we got back to the apartment we parted ways at picard so she could check one more time for eggs.  I turn and start walking towards the apartment as she turns the other way to walk into the store.  I get literally about 2 steps away and then  I hear this sound which is kind of hard to describe with words... but basically the sounds of some really harsh footsteps with an 'off'' sort-of pattern about them - which you instinctively know someone is tripping and trying to recover.
I whipped around just in time to see Jen still valiantly trying to recover, yet defying gravity by being suspended horizontally above the cement.  With arms outstretched at her side, the grocery bag containing 2 grapefruits and a bottle of wine cushioning her fall, it was if she would make contact with the ground but her feet just wouldn't give up! They were wrapped around each other and kept on moving like a speedy-little-road-runner, thus continuing to propel her further as she kept bouncing off the ground with her knee and hands and elbows.
She finally made full contact about 5 feet from where the original feet-entangling-action-occurred.  Right. In front. Of the store door.  Full of witnesses.

I ran over to her as quickly as I could as she stayed down on the pavement with the most priceless look I have EVER seen on a person's face.  It was a mix of 'I'm-not-sure-im-okay'/'hey-how-did-i-get-down-here'/'shit-that-was-really-embarrassing-and-im-not-quite-sure-how-to-gracefully-recover-from-this'/'the-bitch-running-towards-me-is-never-going-to-let-me-live-this-down'.

Obviously I'm a really good human being and thus an amazing friend because my first reaction *TRULY* was that of concern.  I swear.  I'm all "JEN ARE YOU OKAY!?!?" Before I could even make it to her people were coming out of the store to make sure she was okay too.  I helped her up as she was still trying to figure out what had just happened to her.  Shake it of girl. Shake it off.  We did a quick assessment of her wounds and concluded she was in face A-OK.



Literally every time I walk past the store now I start giggling because I can picture Jen down on the pavement with the most precious stunned look on her face.

Jen claims she did this on purpose because she knew I needed a good laugh and knows the delight I take in seeing people eat it hard.

What can I say. When Jen giveth... she giveth the crap out of it. One of the MANY reasons I love her.  She fully commits to all things.  Never half-assed. Although she did hurt half her ass.

Pictures to come.

xoxo



ps. in case you were wondering... the bottle of wine did NOT break.  And yes. We polished it off.
pps.  her wounds are healing nicely. except she claims she damaged the cartilage between some ribs.
ppps. a part of me hopes the healing process is a little bit slower because on average, I get about 50 glimpses of them a day... and they make me relive the entire ordeal and laugh until my abs hurt.
pppps.  I'm pretty sure I will come back with a 6 pack from this. Jen really gave me an incredible gift.

I Would Give Up My First Born To Come Home

Maybe I'm having a 'low-in-everything-type-day' - like food, estrogen, energy, patience, sanity etc etc... but I basically have a more intense level of hate for all things Dominica than usual.

And to all you annoyingly positive, 'if you change your attitude you wouldn't mind it so much' people, I say to you... until YOU experience medical school *alone* you can shut-it. And when you go through the insanity of med school on an assbackwards-allthingsabnormal-intensity-of-hell-fire-heat island that is Dominica, you are at risk of getting yourself cut. by me. and I'm not far enough along in my medical training to be able to stitch you back up. So that sucks. For you.

In case you haven't noticed. This is me venting.  Which means this is not the time to say anything rational to me. Because you can *almost* be guaranteed that what you say and what I interpret will be vastly different.  And then you will really get hurt.

So let us summarize. And all agree.
1 - medical school is hard. full stop.
2 - dominca sucksass.
3 - even the sun hates this island and several times a week, tries to set it on fire.
4 - becoming a doctor (and being one) requires a lot of sacrifices.
5 - I'm not the sanest person right now.
6 - when I come home a *little* worse-for-wear you pretend to understand and just tell me I'm still pretty as you calmly stroke my hair.

Crap. It Happened Again.

Having too much time pass before an update that is.

Well, and I guess crap crap happened again as well.  Got up in the middle of the night to go pee. No big deal. Except for that I flushed.  Which *normally* isn't a bad thing.  But living in Dominica makes all things ridiculously abnormal.  Wake up this morning, and it is only after my morning shadoobie do I realize that there was a lot of rain over the night and there is no water.  I used my one free-toilet-flush-pass unbeknownst to me. 

So while I have no shower water, kitchen sink water, or toilet tank water... I DO have bathroom sink water.  So I spend a good 20 mins filling up a little cup (as that is all that will fit under the faucet) and slowly - but surely - fill that tank up.  And praise-the-Lord, am rewarded with a great flush and free my apartment from having a seeded stench.
My father taught me a thing or two about getting your self out of a potential mess.  A tip-of-the-plumbers-hat-to-you-dad.


As far as life/school goes... the schedule is ridiculous. We are finally in block 2 which feels good.  It's a shorter block, and is JAM-PACKED, but that means before I know it we will be in block 3.  Which means well on my way home.  It's a mental leap I know. But I'm friggin excited to come home. So that's my thought process in its current state.

Okay so I really can't think of anything to tell you except what is on my mind right now. So here it is:
1.  Pineapples and Pumpkin out. Sadly.
2.  GRAPEFRUITS *totally* in.  They are ahmahzing.  I went to the store and got 13.  I had sweat through my clothes by the time I hauled them all home.  But I marked it as a beyond productive workout, and called it a day.  They are huge. and just amazing.  Then God was all - 'because I need to give you something else to fixate on and keep your foodmoods up....I am putting baskets full of grapefruits in Picard grocery' (right beside my building)!!! Therefore, saving me the torturous walk/haul!!!  It's really the little things you guys.  I could literally hear the Angels singing when I walked into Picard and saw all the grapefruits. Okay the singing *may* have been my excited squeal.
3.  Having Jen here is the best.  We keep each other laughing all day long.
4.  We had a 2 hour lecture today on "Systems Based Practice: Making Changes"... and we now have an assignment called PIP - Personal Improvement Project.  We have to come up with an objective - something we want to change about ourselves to make us better. For example - Lose weight. Get more sleep.  Study more effectively.  Start the work day earlier. etc etc. We have to write a little proposal to submit.  Track our progress.  Re-evaluate.  Make changes in the practical execution process if necessary. Then, in 3rd week next semester we finish the report. Reflect on it.  And ideally become a better person or whatever.  My first thought was  - well crap.  This project is going to be really tough because I'm already an amazingly awesome machine!  But then...after much introspective thought and reflection...it came to me.  The ultimate PIP.  I've already begun implementing the course of action.  I can't tell you what it is. Yet.  But I *can* tell you - it is going to be borderline.ridiculously.amazing. I plan on working hard and revealing this 'self-improvement outcome' when I am home in December.  PS. you are on this journey with me, because telling you all about it now is part of the accountability portion.

So there you go.  filled you in on crap. and crapcrap. 

You're welcome.

PPS. any guesses as to what I could possibly decide to conquer in my quest for "above-awesome-me"??  If you can't think of anything I don't blame you.  It's *pretty* tough to think of any place for improvement for this hot-mess.

xoxo

A Wee Hors D'oeuvre To Curb Your Appetite.

I know I have not been updating as much as I did last semester... and mostly that is because (a) I have way more shiznit going on this semester and (b) there is not *nearly* as much crazy stories to fill you all in on!  Here's the thing.  Beibs is off the island in 5th semester now.  So is Philip.  Theodore failed and is off island until January.  Talking about pumpkin and watermelon just got old.  And sad.  Mostly just really sad.  While I was home on break and looked at some of those posts, I'm all - 'well that is unfortunate.'  So there goes a good majority of what I was writing about last semester.

However, I whole-heartedly believe there will still be things to keep you all updated on!  Let's just start with the basics - school.  This semester is all about the bugs, drugs, and pathology. Hella interesting. Hella overwhelming.  There are no more anatomy dissections, but we now have 'behavior labs' which include lots of patient interviews, interview-training-skills, learning how to deal with 'difficult patients'... things like that. We also have community clinic visits, and ICM (intro to clinical medicine) where we learn the physical exam type stuff.  All this adds to the insanity of the weekly schedule, but it is a LOT of fun I think!  I am also still in PaCE.  And I am tutoring 1st and 2nd semesters.  And attending meetings with the faculty of pharmacology as a tutor to make me a *better* tutor in the department. And I think that is it. Oh, and also these Clinico-Pathological Conferences that are optional (but a good idea) to attend each week.

So there is a boy in my class, lets call him, Ralphio.  He's *pretty* socially competent.

There have been little doses of him throughout first and second semester, but he really stepped up his game at the end of last semester while we were both in the Barbados airport on our way home for summer break.  Spoiler alert.  He is of asian descent.  As in he is fully asian.
 So we are sitting together in the airport, killing time.  I am telling stories.  Telling jokes.  Just being my regular upbeat-sunshiney-rainbows-and-lollipops sweet self.  Ralphio is lovin it.  Then he's all 'you know  - I have never seen this side of you before!  I have never seen you smile this much!'   Um thanks?
So I'm all 'what do you mean Ralphio?  I'm  *always* like this!'
'Well you are always so....sharp.  And a little abrasive.  Like, I kinda guard my carotid when I see you. You should be like this more often!'

Noted.

A few mins later he turns to me and is all "do you by chance have scoliosis?"
I laughed.  "um no! What makes you ask me that Ralphio!?!  Are you referring to the hump on my neck!?"
"Well yes.  I have noticed it and wondered."  Ah, totally normal.
"No Ralphio.  I just have a very prominent C7 and it gets worse after studying.  I'll get all fixed up when I'm home.  I've got my people on standby."
Then he brought up how Megan told him a little bit about my past back problems, so I told him a bit about that whole wonderful experience.  He listened intently.  At the end, he looks at me, pauses, and says "wow.  You have really been through a lot!  With all the back problems...and your acne vulgaris!"

Yes.  Thank-you-captain-obvious.

And he pointed our my moles.  Made sure I was watching them.

We are assigned ICM groups for the entire semester, and I'll give you one guess as to who is in mine.

Ralphio.

While we were out on our first community visit, we were reminded before hand to not use big medical jargon.  So, you know, instead of 'hypertension' say 'high blood pressure'.  That sort of thing.  Well Ralphio is *very* by-the-book sort of boy.  So he really takes this to heart and runs wild with it.  It was mid-way through our interview with a patient, doing a quick review of all the systems, when I hear, "now Mr. Salsbury how are your BALLS. Any lumps or bumps or anything with your BALLS?"

As he is asking this, he has his hand in the reverse-pickle-jar-hand position, demonstrating what I imagine was supposed to be the gesture for grasping ones' balls from the bottom and pinching them.

In the same interview, sweet little Ralphio takes over asking about sexual-history.  He's a direct kind of guy, but he has a tendency to also stumble a bit.  "Now Mr. Salsbury... the next questions are protocol for every patient.  It involves asking about sexual history. Is that okay with you?"
Mr. Salsbury is all, 'sure lil dude whateves.' (more or less)
"Are you sexually... do you and your wife engage in.... do you and your wife have.... engage in sexual intercourse?"  He got quieter and quieter as this super-direct question went on, to the point where he was near a whisper/not breathing at the end.

Mr. Salsbury is all "what's that now?"

Poor Ralphio attempted again, until Mr. Sals looks at me and is all 'what is the question?'


During an ICM training day, another guy in my group was doing a little General Survey, asks the patient to open their mouth wide and say 'ah'.  He reports back "no deviation of the vulva".

The instructor looks directly at me and in unison we shake our heads 'nope that's not quite right'.  Try again slugger.

Of course this is hilarious, and later I am telling Megan about this little mix-up while we were practicing ICM with Ralphio.  All 3 of us start killing ourselves laughing.  Ralphio the most.  He's friggin slappin his knee. Clutching his stomach.
Laugh finished.
Ralphio - silence.  - "remind me again what is the vulva?"



In another behavior lab, Ralphio is conducting another interview (this time the patient is this sweet little local girl), and gets to sexual history.  He learned from his past mistakes of stumbling over his words.
"So Miss. Sunshine... I need to ask about your sexual history. Are you comfortable with this?"
"Yes."
"Okay Miss. Sunshine.  Are you sexually active?"
"Yes."
"Okay Miss. Sunshine.  Do you have sex with men, women, or both?" Front. Back. or both? Any animals in there? Inanimate objects? Any other weird fetishes I may not be able to think of right  now but come to mind for you?

Poor Miss Sunshine burst out in fit of uncomfortable giggles, shocked by the question as she timidly replies 'meeeeen!"

Afterwards, during our debriefing of the interview with the facilitator, he's all, "so yeah, we may have to work on your approach there."

I don't know.  I thought he *nailed it*.

Great Balls Of Fire

... I'm back on the rock...

day 2 of classes.

Nothing I can think of to write at this point.

Except to say how freaking AMAZING it is to have one of my BEST friends here with me now!  Double the stories you guys.  Yeah.  This is about to get even more ridiculously fun.

I had a wonderful break at home thanks to an amazing family and friends.  You all rock my world. You are my much-needed-underwire.  ie. essence that is the support of the bra.  Which we all know I need. Both for my breasts and the 'bra' that is my life.

I don't have any funny stories yet.  BUT I was cleaning up my email inbox and came across this.  Don't entirely remember writing it.  But it sure does sound like something I would say.


Shit is basically its own life form staring back at describing its level of happiness with your inner workings of your insides!!! if it's pissed off.. you'll know. if it's happy.. you'll know.  if it feels ignored... YOU'LL KNOW. shit needs to be respected.  because if it turns on you.. YOU'LL KNOW. and will you be happy? no. 

I am totally with you on this one.

More to come

xoxo

You Know It's Time To Come Home When...

*Super* excited about "Spa Day" in Dominica.

 You know it's also time to come home for a break when you can no longer support the weight of your own head.  I woke up the other day and my neck was in total spasm.  All my neck muscles were being defiant little a-holes, screaming "screw you girl. We've totally had it up to *here* with you!" 

Considering I had to turn my whole body to turn to talk to someone coming to say hi while I was studying at my cubicle...let's just say *certain* people took notice.  
That being said.  I had 2 offers for neck massages.  Followed by an email with "I just remembered I have a good lotion for neck and shoulder pain if you want me to bring it in tomorrow" in the subject line.     


Today my neck was still totally bitching at me.  So I studied at home all day.  Here's a picture to show you all.  

I'm not trying to kill myself.  I swear.  It's my do-it-yourself-neck-brace.   And yes... my head DID get bigger.  The effects of studying. Thanks for noticing.
  It's a thing.  Look it up. 

You can see why boys fall for me.  I'm *quite* attractive.  






xoxo




ps.  I actually wrote this yesterday (monday) but apparently didn't hit the 'publish' button.  Yeah.  It's time to come home you guys.  


Off to write my final exam in a couple hours.  Pack.  Quick celebration.  Then get picked up at 4am to begin the kick-ass-journey home.