Well. That Unraveled Fast.

Mind blowing. Core rocking. Ball busting. Boob bursting. Fast.

The last update is now a Moo Point.  You know, like a cow's opinion.  It doesn't matter.  It's moo.


[if you actually got that, then you are as thoroughly scripted in Friends episodes as I am, and well, I just love you for that.]

Let me try to recap.

• I changed focus and decided to pursue 2014 match for residency based upon the urging from the Medical Education clinical coordinator here ---- let us call him Rumpelstiltskin. 
• Rumpelstiltskin was all, "yo I will get you a 2 week elective no problem to fit it right after Family Med is done and then right from there you go to Baltimore for Internal Med." Then he was all, "then you put together this scheduling grid for me and I will schedule all your electives back-to-back here".  oh and of course get started on all the things you need to do to prepare for Match applications (which was a giant mofo headache)
• I go crazy getting all the shit I need to arrange, organize, complete, and schedule
• I think - oh my gosh this will be hectic right now but oh boy how nice will it to be in one place for all my electives and to have them all set up! 
• Fast forward 4 weeks.  Get email from Rumpel announcing his official resignation.  
• I email the rat-bastard to inquire about the status of  my 2 week elective at the end of this month and the lifeline that is the rest of my scheulde
• Rumple is all, "oh ya about that - not going to be able to do that... and ooo yaaaa... wasn't even able to get that 2 week elective for you. I do apologize."
• he does apologize?!?!
• I IMMEDIATELY call Ross Clinical Advising department to schedule something. anything!! 
• It is a Wednesday. They don't take calls Wednesdays.  But call back Thursday. 
• I call back Thursday.  They are in meetings all day.  But keep trying and you might catch the one who takes certain calls.  
• I call about 6 times and finally get through!
• Find out there's like, 2 rotations he could schedule me for. One in November. One in January. cause thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat helps me. I explain my situation here, and he is all, "oh well Rumple isn't scheduling anymore but his assistant is.  And they do their own scheduling so I can't get you in there"
• So I talk to Rumple.  He is all, "No sorry still can't help you out. no new process has been put in place yet". 
• I reach out to numerous hospitals who also do their own scheduling - they either don't have any elective places left anymore, or they don't take students who did not complete Core rotations with them. 
• I call Ross all day long on Friday.... cannot get through except to automated recording that says "you are shit out of luck kiddo. hang up and try again later."
•  In the midst of all this....I have a vehicle being shipped across Canada and I'm supposed to pick it up just across the border of Michigan and Canada --- because I will need a car in Baltimore and then was supposed to come back to Michigan for 8 months and need the car. 
• I ask 'colleague friend' after 'colleague friend' to drive just over an hour to the border so I can handle this, and then it would be just over an hour back.  And do you think any of these assholes would want to help someone out?  Of course not. They "are behind on studying".  For family medicine shelf.  An exam that is meaningless in the end.  
• I finally get a friend who doesn't have a car here, but would be willing to drive with me in my rental car and then drive the rental car back for me. This works. 
• So we go to the car rental place and get her added to insurance and contract blah blah blah.  Car should be ready for pick up by Saturday or Sunday.
• I send email that's all, "where do I go exactly on Sunday" and get reply, "oh yaaaa about that.... trucking company lied and turns out won't be till mid to late next week."
• Additionally, my visa is going to expire before I am done my rotation in Baltimore (and how could you forget what an effing nightmare it was to get the visa in the first place!!!!!!) and I had brought this concern up to Rumple 4 weeks ago
• he was all "your biggest concern is my smallest concern, it will be no problem.  I will have you scheduled.  You will contact Ross closer to the date.  They will contact me and I will have this letter drawn up saying you are scheduled here until such-and-such a date and bam - no problem. 
• Now. I have nothing set up. And with my luck as of late... oh my lanta.  I'll have immigration cops handcuffing me and detaining me for weeks of interrogation.

I want you to know - there are A LOT of details I'm leaving out, simply because if I tried to explain or incorporate them into this recap you would just get uber confused and frustrated and probably stop reading because you can't follow anything I'm saying.  Do you already feel like that?  I do apologize.

This is my life ya'll.  Jealous much?

After my breakdown threshold became incrementally lower and lower with each breath-taking-gut-punch that arose every single effing day for the past 10days... I finally FUCK IT! I'm out.

Booked a flight home as soon as Family Med rotation is over - just like the original plan.
 Poured myself a Vase of wine (my wine glass - Big Stan) and started packing up the place I have called home since Feb 3rd... A room at the Ramada Inn. (without a kitchen) Aaaaah living the dream.

Oh Big Stan never leave me. 

It is time to take a step back. Relax at The Lake with my family and Biffle.  Regain some perspective.  Uterus Up (lady version of 'man up'), and keep pressing on because it-is-what-it-is, and deep down I know everything will work out in the end.

Probably.

And if it doesn't - - -

I'll take out an ad in the classifieds section - Looking For Your Trophy Wife? You Just Found Her.  Fully Qualified, Class A+ Trophy Wife.  (references available upon request).

If You Need Something Done, Give It To Someone Who Is Busy.

Just kidding

Don't.

Actually you can, and I will probably process it so fast I will barely realize I even did it.  Probably. 

Or I could crumble under the weight of all the added pressures and reach my psychotic break and see you all during your visits to my 'extended stay Inn". 

It could really go either way.

So thank God Ob/Gyn is over right?  Step into Family Med rotation where life is simple, sweet, and vacation-like!

For a normal functioning human being.

Which, I feel we have firmly established, I am not.

On the first day of FM rotation, I went in before orientation to have a meeting with the Medical Education student coordinator.  I just wanted to talk with him and get a few ideas since I felt a little overwhelmed with booking electives coming up, and overall about the roads I am going down...

I came out of the meeting with the decision that I will give up my 2 week break this summer to fill with an elective, and then push straight through for the next year with everything booked back-to-back so that I can match for 2014 residency instead of 2015. 

So of course this meant that I had months of prep work to catch up on in a matter of a couple weeks.  Essentially since that meeting I really really feel like I haven't stopped. 
I am currently in the process of juggling 3 elective applications to Canadian schools, 3 applications to my school to even do those Canadian electives, preparing for American residency match applications, preparing for Canadian residency applications, studying for USMLE step 2 CK, CS, MCCEE, NAC (a lot of letter which mean 4 board exams) all which need to be taken before October (keep in my my original plan was to calmly approach these exams come November), find housing in Baltimore, figure out more long-term car situation, all while working full-time hours in family med, and.... eugh. I'm actually forgetting about 50 different little things intertwined within all of this... but anyway...

what was I saying?


I don't know.

As soon as I am done with the above list... I will be working on my retirement plan. 

Really Random.

... Because I woke up at 3-freaking-AM because I've been nocturnal for a week.


A week on night float for Ob-Gyn rotation.
Turns out it is even more mind-blowingly-terrible than days on ob-gyn.  Perhaps because the assholes who run this hell-hole-rotation somehow think it is appropriate to let students leave at 5pm during the day (making it approximately an 11hr day), yet on nights you are there from 6pm until morning rounds are over... and it goes like this... start at 7am and *could* end by 730-745am, but residents are a special breed of evil who don't give a flying-shit about students, thus, even if they are done with report they will continue sitting at the table (while students sit up against the wall because we can't sit at the big kid table) gossiping about patients or debating some ridiculous 'guideline' and going in circles about it.  During all of which students sit there awkwardly in silence, because obviously we can't interject into the 'conversation' nor can we get up and leave without properly being 'dismissed'.  Then, on top of that if there is a lecture that starts at 8am, night students are required to stay.  So that puts you to 9am.
Eugh. Whatever. I'm tired even just typing about it now.

I'm done night float for ob-gyn. That's all that matters.  I guess you could say I survived.  But that really depends on your definition of 'survival'. 



Ever wonder about what else happens when women push so hard to get a baby out of their vaginas?

They poop.

It really is true.  Sure - not every woman.  But yes. I've seen it.  And smelled it (is 'smelled' a real word? smelled? smelt? smelled? whatever. I really don't care).  It's not so much the smell of amniotic fluid and placenta that makes me have a minor gag, it's really the adult poop so close to my face. I guess poop is poop, but still, that part of it really did not make the highlight reel of this rotation.


Things that did become a highlight include:
- this itty bitty 24yo who initially was really struggling through the pain, yet did not want an epidural.  However after a couple hours of writhing pain she accepted the God given gift of anesthetic in the epidural space.  She was then able to relax and rest.  After giving her an hour nap, I go in with the resident to check on her.  She is all smiles.  "how are you feeling?'  "great!"  "do you feel any of the contractions?"  "Nope. Not really.  I'm just comfortable." "okay great.  well we will just check you and see if you have made some progress."  Resident checks her cervix and quickly looks up at me with wide eyes and is all "get the table and glove up. The baby's head is almost out".  We crazy-quick get everything set up, break down the bed, get this girl repositioned, and I look down and baby's head is literally a cm from crowning.  I look up at her and she is just straight up chillin', and texting.  We are like - okay put down the phone and how about you give a little push.  She gives a little "mmm" wimpy push... baby's head crowns.  Okay another push. "mm".  Head out. One more. "mm'.  Shoulders out.  Body out.  Welcome to the world kid.

- scrubbed into my first c-section, the attending puts the scalpel in my hand and is all "feel comfortable?"  me - eyes wide with excitement - "yes sir!" There's just something about making a sweetly smooth cut through flesh that really makes me come alive. you know?

- a patient with chronic hypertension with super-imposed severe preeclampsia and a severe intra-uterine growth restricted baby in the less-than-3rd percentile.  This woman was 28 weeks along, but because of the chronic growth restriction, the baby had not grown at all in the past 4 weeks - putting it at the development of a 24weeker.  Due the the severity of her preeclampsia, a code 30 (30mins from decision to incision) was initiated.  I was scubbed into this c-section and seeing something so tiny come out of something so large what truly astonishing.  I couldn't help but look over at the awaiting NICU team as they immediately intubated this little life that came out weighing 1pound 11ounces.  Their precision and skill is not something to underestimate.

- and of course suturing up abdominal fascia layers still makes the highlight reel at this point in my life.



I don't really have anything left to say at this moment.  I'm a little confused as the the day and time and what I'm doing with my life.

So,  in summation.


I'm counting down the days left in Ob-Gyn and I will get through it.  And never look back.  I will smile and be professional until 12pm friday afternoon, which is when I put the pencil down after the shelf exam, then I will walk away and sing Sara Bareilles' song "Sweet as Whole" at the top of my lungs over-and-over-and-over-and-over until I feel recovered from this living nightmare.

Sometimes I can be perfectly sweet
Got this sugary me stuffed in my sleeve
And I talk of ponies and rainbows and things
And I'm just who you want me to be

But like most creatures down here on the ground
I'm composed of the elements moving around
And I grow and change and I shift and I switch
And it turns out I'm actually kind of a bitch

But that only happens when I get provoked
By some piece of shit asshole we all sadly know
And I sit and I write while reminding you all
That mean songs are still better than going postal


And that guy's an asshole
That girl's a bitch
Baby it's natural
No gettin' away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy he's just an asshole
Oh-asshole
Asshole
Asshole


I see I've surprised you with some of my words
And I know that surprises, while fun, still can hurt

And I hate to think that I ruined the day
Of the dick and the queen of the high horse parade

But I'm sick and tired of your poisonous ways
Your toxin wasting perfectly good space

And I say what I think
'Cause it's more economic than drugs or a drink


That guy's an asshole
That girl's a bitch
Baby it's natural
No gettin' away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy he's just an asshole


And I won't let him in
Under my skin

You're a sad sack of shit
That's pathetic
Just a festering sore
Who will never be more than that
If I don't let it


And that guy's an asshole
That girl's a bitch
Baby it's natural
No gettin' away from it
So sing it out with me
And then let it go
Fuck that guy he's just an asshole
 

So sing it out with me.  

If you were to ask me how 'things are going'

How I feel about finishing this rotation

How's Ob-Gyn!? you ask.


I miss psych


As if waking up at 3am is not cruel enough in-and-of-itself...

Ramada has thin walls.

Over the sound of the show I was watching in bed I can hear something... I'm all 'what's that!?!' So I turn down the volume on my computer.  Hear nothing.  Okay I'm just hearing things now, awesome.  Turn volume back up. Hear it again - like a gasping sound followed by a type of scream.  I'm all, 'oh my gosh is someone getting attacked outside!? Could I be hearing the sounds of a notorious crime in this town!?" 

Suddenly that gasp morphs into a moan. 

Followed by more shouts.

But I quickly realize the screams of "YES! YES! YES!" are not that of a crime of attack, but that of my neighbors having very loud sex. 

I turn up the volume on my computer to full.  I cover my ears.

More than a little over-the-top moans continue while my ears and soul bleed. 

"OH BABY! YES!"

I'm all ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!?! WWWWWWHY!!!!

I guess a crime really was committed in the wee hours of the morning today. A crime against me.

A crime against my ears. A crime against my already wounded soul.



I shall be taking an extra, extra amount of melatonin tonight.

Re: I'm A Teary Toad

I came across this gem and I really feel like it embodies all I was trying to convey in my post about my new found crying episodes.

Breaking News Of The Day. I Don't Have Kids.

So I'm with one of my laboring patients today - a lovely, and very chatty,  23 year old girl about to have her 3rd kid.  She has her sister, mother, baby-daddy, and babby-daddy's great grandma all in the room. A loud bunch. But an entertaining bunch.  They are collectively trying to decide on a first-name for this baby-girl about to enter the world (coming up with some crap-stack-terrible-ideas for names), and then turn to me and say - I like YOUR name! I'm all, well thanks! I think it's a pretty good name!
Then sister asks me - you have any kids???
me - nope
patient - what!? really? how old are you!?
me - 25
patient/sister in unison - whaaaaat you 25 and you aint got kids?
me - nope
baby daddy (shocked) - whaaaat!? dat crazy! when you gonna have dem kids?
me - not for a looooong time (ie never)
baby daddy - you don't wanna be dat old 41year old picken' yo' kid up from kindergarten!
me - that's definitely not the dream. nope.


What a treat  - to evoke such a reaction of shock and wonderment out of a group of people of my being 25 years old and nulliparous. 

Turns Out I'm A Big Crybaby

What.... a turn of the lazy-susan. 

After years and years and years of being an lacrimal-duct-challenged robot, I have evidently turned into a bottomless pit of raging tears.  Okay, well not so much raging tears per say. Raging rage with the presence of tears is a more accurate description.  But whatever. Point being - I'm a teary faced little toad.

Do you want to know what really threw a lit-match onto this fuel-soaked-pile-of-suppressed-shit?
Being awake for 29hrs straight then getting home into bed and watching the saddest episode of Army Wives -- that's what.  (side note: yes. I am completely, 100% emotionally, committed to Army Wives. A show with a fan base consisting of menopausal house-wives and me. I'm not ashamed to admit this.)

Me, post call. Probably the ugliest side of me.  I get all curled up in bed, resume watching an episode, and one of my favorite characters dies!!! *Normal* me would be all, 'aw that's to bad'.  *Post-call* me was freaking hysterical.  Face half covered with blankets as I sob! You know what I mean? The 'ugly-cry'.  Through broken heaves and sobs I'm crying out in a deep manly voice - NOOOOOHOHOHO!! WWWWWWHY!?!? NOoooohohoNoo! Wwwwhy!!  Not. *choke on tears* Jer-e-my *choke on tears*  My eyes quickly became swollen from the fast escape of tears, which is when I finally had some voice of reason say "what is happening to you right now!? stop this! sleep!"
So I listened.  I passed out instantly.  Woke up 6hrs later - it was 3pm.  I got up to eat, and resumed watching more of the episode.  Started bawling again.  Turned it off at 5pm.  Then woke up next to my alarm at 5am to go back to work.  That's right. Do the math - I slept 18hrs. 

One would think this amount of sleep would cure any illogical, unreasonably excessive emotion.

One would think.

However, add a dash of effed-up hormones to the mix and a dollop or heap of misery while in Ob-Gyn rotation...


You get me.

An unpredictable basket-case.

...Doing more than just dipping my toes into the sea-of-mental-break-down.

My Mother Is Cray Cray Awesome

After hearing their daughter vent about how some bitchy OR nurse ruined their already crap-filled day... *some* mothers may say things such as, 'oh sweetie - that doesn't sound pleasant, but maybe you have to think about your own attitude toward things like these as well." or "oh honey -you can't let those little things bother you".
Instead my mother sends me the following to keep me laughing and lift my spirits all day long. What. a great lady.


 






The woman knows me well.


And this pretty much sums up my life right now.
http://whatshouldwecallmedschool.tumblr.com/post/48282906110/every-day-since-the-start-of-medschool