When It Rains It Pours

For this week's edition of: food-combinations-that-actually-don't-go-together-but-somehow-are-borderline-amazing-because-I-live-in-Dominica:

In case you *can't* tell, that would be: Avocado. Purple Cabbage. Rice pasta. All mixed up in a giantass container. Lunch AND dinner. Check and Check.  Please - contain your jealousy. 

Take culinary advice from North American me.  Don't take it from Survivor-Dominica me. 

In the meantime, and well always, check out this amazing website full of awesome stuff!!

So we are officially into Hurricane Season now... and we have been experiencing a "tropical wave"?  Whatever that means.  I don't really know.  And I don't actually care.  Right now all I know is that it rains superduper freakin hard at any given time for like 5 mins.  Then stops for some random length of time.  Then dumps again.  The fun part is that there have been some episodes of thunder in there, which I kind of totally love.  Please do not quote me on this some day down the road if I start bitching about being all swept up in a hurricane or some other shit here.

The plus-side to the rain is that it has helped to cool this place down.  The down-side is that they turn the water off at apartments when it rains tonnes (so that not ALL the mud goes into the pipes I guess?).  And  when it comes back on in the afternoon or whenever, it typically looks like something you see in the toilet (or your pants) after a bad case of food poisoning in Mexico.  I guess we could rank it as "Type 7" on our trusty Bristol Stool Scale. 

However, because I am up so friggin early, I tend to get the cleaner reserve water.  While other people in the building get diddlysquatshit in the morning.  oopsiedaisies.  You snooze you lose suckers! 

I don't totally hate the rain.  I hear a lot of people talking about how this weather sucks blahblahblah because it makes them feel more tired and just want to go home and sleep.  To which I just have to give an obligatory combined curtsey-and-bow to my dear Victoria, BC.  She trained me well over the years... rain. dreary days. rain. oh! and more rain!  You will die a quick academic death if you give in to the effect we all know dark-rainy-days can have on our mood.  One of my favorite quotes is: "Life is tough. I recommend a manicure and a really cute helmet."  

To which I have learned to re-work into: "Life is tough.  I recommend a manicure. pedicure. massage. alpraxolam. really cute rubber boots. a fabulous stylish umbrella.  and a borderline amazing raincoat."

The combo of rain and thunder actually makes me MORE energized to study.  So again, cheers to you Victoria! 

Yesterday's PBL was our last session with Enrique being our facilitator, as our next two will be with someone different who will be grading our performance as a team.  So in honor of that, sweet sweet Enrique brought in cheesecake for us all.  When it came time to serve it up, he passed me a plate and fork, and I sweetly turned to him and was all 'Oh you can save this for your next group. I can't actually have it. But it was so nice of you to do this for us!"  (Keep in mind that we have had several conversations about gluten and celiac within our group since we are studying the GI system). 

Then Enrique is all "Oh you're on a diet. Okay."  Ummm NO! I'm NOT on a diet! Does it look like I *should* be on a diet!?! This totally wasn't as near as traumatizing as when I was confused with Chelsa (who was 7 months pregnant at the time)... and was asked when *I* was due.  [Word of advice - unless you hear me talking about how scared my vagina is for the "big day", assume that I am NOT pregnant.  Further advice, because that is never going to happen... just ALWAYS assume I am not pregnant okay?  Unless you enjoy being  punched in the face.  Then by all means, knock yourself out.  Well, actually I guess I'll be doing the knocking out. But you get it.]

I got over yesterday's accidental slap-across-the-face pretty quickly. Mostly because he said it in his funny little spanish accent. And everything just sounds like it is coming from Diego from Dora The Explorer (if Diego got his M.D. and talked all doctory).  

xoxo

Bernard And Theodore

First let's quiz YOU for a second...

Question:

If all animal protein consumed by the 300 million citizens of the US

were replaced by plant protein, and protein uptake restricted to recommended doses, approximately how many additional people could be fed?

A 100 million

B 200 million

C 500 million

D 1 billion


E 2 billion





















Answer: E.  2 billion!!!! 

Now:

A slide from a lecture which of course I thought was borderline amazing.  It is called the "Bristol Stool Scale".  Which makes it even more awesome. 

What a fun game!  How does YOUR shadoobie measure up?  I am so glad they put in 'pictorial representation' *just* in case we weren't quite sure of how to match ours up. 

Okay, so in trying to fill you in on some of the meaningless things I've decided it will only happen if I cheat a little and just put up some clippits of emails I sent (apparently.  I don't actually remember writing half of these to be honest.  But email history doesn't lie).  Most of these are to Jenna.  Mostly because instead of calling an intervention, she just thinks it is high.larious. 

Our first block this semester was Neuro and Endocrine.  It is notoriously one of the most intense blocks.  And... well let's just say I was losing hair in clumps at the end.  Of course it was actually my favorite block so far... because I'm masochistic like that.  But to say that the stress was affecting my mood/level of irritability is a gross understatement.  Warning - they are not the most elegant.  Here's a few clips...

ps - I changed a few names because it is more fun for me like that.  I honestly don't have logical reasoning beyond that. 

 I am going insane.  Bernard sat in the cubicles yesterday because he acts too cool to be 'cool people at tables'.  People like that are just asking to be punched in the face.  He is annoying me lately for no reason in particular.  I recognize that this is my own mentally unstable issue right now.  But seriously!?! If you are going to be around me.  Just do me a favor and don't move or breathe okay?  So yesterday was nice having a table to myself.


I *thought* he would do the same today. But no. Right across from me. And he does these annoying things when studying. He friggin lip sync talks to himself as he is memorizing stuff. Eyes closed. Lips moving. And hands a-going. AAHHH that is for private time okay. Not public spaces. Especially not right across from me when I can sense your every obnoxious essence.  And this guy in my upper left visual field bounces his leg. non. stop. I'm not kidding. ALL DAY! Doesn't he get tired!?!?  And the girl to my very left visual field is eating her nails! I wish people could see themselves when they do this annoying shit. This girl is just going to town on her nails. Looks like a fracking disgusting woodchuck or beaver or something else equally disgusting.

I need to write and publish laws on public studying etiquette. I may not be perfect either. But I'm pretty sure I'm quite close. My biggest faux pau is having hairy legs. and hair pits. but I did the decent thing and covered up with a sweater. You know why? Because I'm considerate like that. People should really do themselves a favor and learn from me.  

And a little bit later...

I am going to *badword* STAB Bernard! The colder I am to him. the more he comes around and sits with me!! why oh why!?!?!

let me repeat. He needs. To watch. His back. and front. and sides for that matter!

How can one human being possess so many annoying qualities. And how did I look past them until now? Doesn't he get the message that I've had enough of him. We had a good run as friends. But then I woke up and decided it was over. Not everyone can be my friend forever. Obviously that's reserved for the super special. geez. I can't go whoring around my borderline amazing friendship. It's for the elite.  And my version of the Elite are not people who ooze OBNOXIOUSNESS by simply breathing.

It's over dude. give it up. leave me alone. when you come thru the barn door in the morning you turn right and go to the cubicle. Don't even look left to where I am. You know what, while we are on the topic of looking.. How about we just make it simple and you just avoid looking at me. Always. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm doing that to you already. Get the message and get on board the train (obviously the train heading in the opposite direction as the one I am on. durr).  

Clearly I sound *super* with-it. 

Well it is safe to conclude I've finally pushed Bernard away. The peak was reached.  Neuro/endo exam was monday.  Then 7 hours of lecture Tuesday. 4 hours wednesday morning. Then anatomy practical lab exam was Wednesday afternoon.  Despite the fact that I have been an ice queen to him and would NOT even look at him... he kept coming and sitting across from me. and being overly annoying just by being alive in that moment. I was *literally* holding a piece of paper perpendicular from my forehead to block out that portion of my field of view.  On Wednesday morning this is all happening again. I TOTALLY tried to talk myself down. Seriously, I did.  I sat there having a conversation with my self - 'come on. girl. Pull yourself together! This isn't a big deal.  It doesn't bother you.  It's not that annoying.  Just block it out.  You can do it.  You can TRY to.  Okay he's doing that head-bobbing-shoulder-shaking-annoying-dancing-in-his-chair thing again... maybe he will stop.  Give it a minute.  Okay he's not stopping.  Take deep breaths.  Nope.  NOPE.  NOT WORKING.  OKAY HE IS NOT STOPPING!! STOP! STOP! PLEASE STOP.. uh oh... I can't hold it in anymore.  Here I go...."    

I take out my headphones. Nicely tap his arm. And say (in my SWEETEST VOICE) 'first of all. good morning... Now, is it at all possible to NOT have a dance party in your chair!?'

He's all 'ugh nooo.'

I'm all (with now my 'you don't want to cross me right now' face on) "Well I'm more than confident that if you dig REAL deep you will find the strength... because if not... we are gonna have a problem. check that. YOU are going to have a problem because I *will* leap across this table. and stab you. okay good. Glad we got that established."  Then I put my headphones back in and continued working.  

He hasn't come back. He now sits in the cubicles. And we haven't spoke since. geez. Some people are *so* sensitive.

Although, I can at least stand to look at him now without totally having my insides get knotted up in a reflexive reaction to a walking/breathing form of obnoxiousness.

He's a lot easier to like from afar.  

Update: Don't worry... we HAVE spoken since... just in passing. But still! 

And now a horribly written message.  But it serves to just get the ball rolling on this story...

I made a new friend. His name is Theodore. He's a 3rd semester. I see him every day in the barn, then finally the other day he said 'hi' while we were both at the water fountain, and we had a boring generic introductory chat.  He then came over to my table and gave me all these old practice questions and some other supplemental material to help me out. Next morning gave me some form of candy/treat thing from I have no idea where. I didn't eat it.  And saturday night we were both outside the barn. Started talking. He was joking about a local getting him a goat or lamb or something and is all " you can come over for a bbq." I'm all "oh that's sweet. I'm a vegetarian." So he's all " oh yea, since living on the island I have been too" and "I do all my own cooking."

Fast forward to sunday afternoon. He meets me at the water fountain and had brought me a nice big container full of lentils. Even better - the top had tomato and cucumbers all cut fancy and placed in a design. With a 'fleur' of basil in the middle.

Aren't new friends the greatest?

So the next day I run into Theodore by the shacks (the shacks would be analogous to a food court I guess? but well... they are shacks. outside. you get it) and he's all "let me get you a juice or something!" And I'm all "oh no thanks.  I really have to get some groceries quick. Plus it is too hot out here."  He's all "this island got hotter since you got here."  I'm all "okay well buh-bye now."

Later that afternoon, back in the Barn, dear Theodore comes over to my table to deliver 2 cookies he bought for me. 

I didn't have the heart to tell him in that moment that I couldn't eat them.  Plus I thought the whole giving-me-food-thing would end there.  I kindly thanked him.  Then that night told Bernard (before I told him his life was in danger) that I had gotten him a special present! Gave him the cookies.  And he thought I was the sweetest thoughtful girl.  Poor guy didn't really see it coming I guess.  

Back to some emails:

By the time I got back to he barn last night to begin studyig again, my regular spot had been taken.  So I had to sit somewhere else. How rude right?

This morning I checked my phone (which is rare) and Theodore texted me last night saying. and I quote "don't give up your spot next time I got used to seeing your beautiful face."

uhoh. me thinks I may be in trouble. I guess looking back... When he first started talking to me he did refer to Bernard as my boyfriend. and I was all "oh he's NOT my boyfriend. ick."   Then when he came over to my computer to give me some files he saw my background picture of Aubrey. and is like "is that your daughter". I'm all "Rioooght.  Um. No."  Maybe he was doing a background check on me?

More to come...

including... 

- More to the Theodore Saga

- I dissected the testes and scrotum in lab today (actually I guess there is not much more to tell on this subject.  Scalpel.  Balls.  Check.)

- and I don't know what else.  It has been a long ass day and I can't think straight right now.  

xoxo

Random Crap

The clinic in the Carib Territory.  With Salybia Club

                                        

Me hiding in the corner looking out on all the barn-yard-animals.  Yes those are my knees.  And yes I have a post-it-note addiction.

                                          

Stepping out my front door.  The Barn is the big white looking building.  Obviously. It's textbook 'barn'.

                                        

Apartment building I live in.  The bush is hiding my front door.  No pun intended.

                                      

My "Corner Store"

                                    

"Main Street."  Im overwhelming you with awesome, I know.

                                          

Crazy local lady today.  Underwear over pants.  Holding wine bottle.  Note the machete in her hand.  Having an intense conversation between herself and herself.  Hacking away at grass and rocks.  A tip of the entertainment hat to you. Girl.

                                      

My culinary skills have really been able to shine here.  Pumpkin. Spinach. Pumpkin. aMAHzing.

                                        

My Bathroom.  I just wanted to point out that I keep the toilet seat up because the actual seat is that beyond-disgusting foamy type thing.  My ass just could not handle that.  And now the cleaning lady thinks I am a hermaphrodite.

                                        

ACTUALLY where I live. The Barn.




A little shop near main campus.  I have boycotted it ever since the lovely lady in there told me I looked like a Fulgy Disgusting Hot Mess.  True Story.

                                        

Self-Explanatory

Entering Main Campus

The Library

                                      

Be Kind To Yourself. Stretch.

I just felt I had to quickly throw this out there - mostly for Superstar Cara-Leigh Lehman who just gave birth to a friggin 10lb 2 oz bundle of BIG joy.  Such.  A cutie.  I absolutely cannot wait to meet the lil chunk. I also need to add that she is absolutely off-her-rocker-crazy and did that with NO DRUGS.  I respect crazy woman.  

Now, if that's not insane enough... in my embryological development of the G.I. system lecture on Friday, my prof was talking about one particular mechanism which leads to delivering extra-large nuggets.  Then side-note mentioned the record for heaviest baby is an whopping 19 effing pounds. Talk about excessive stretching. Girl.  Good luck with *that* elastic retraction.  I'm pretty sure that kid came out talking. 

Here's a couple little 'huh' facts that will you more appreciative of the complexity of development and your properly functioning parts (hopefully)

- there is a particular developmental abnormality called Viteline Fistula.  Basically there is a connection between the intestines and the umbilicus... so some poop will escape via the bellybutton. Huh.  

- the Urorectal Septum grows and divides the anorectal canal from the urogenital sinus... and if that whole process doesn't happen properly... it is possible to poo out of the vagina/penis (hopefully its not a 'slash' type of situation though).  Think about that for 2 seconds next time you go number 2.  

You're welcome. 

Xoxo

Barnyard Animals. Rain. And Pumpkin.

Yesterday - Friday - is one of my 'busier' days in that I do a lot of back-and-forth between main campus and the Barn.  It is still a typical day in that I am up at 5, give myself an hour to wake up with coffee (and morph from haggered-zombie into haggered-mostly-human), and settled in the Barn by 615.  Give-or-take-some-depending-on-how-the-ol-shadoobie-maker-is-functioning.  Work till 1215pm, go home to eat, then head to main campus for PaCE quiz at 12:45.  PaCE is a program I am in, and it stands for Progressive Academic Education.  It's really just this extra thing to do, we have mandatory quizzes and case studies, and even though its a chunk of time out the day... I still find the beneficial aspects of it. Hence, enough said.

I was done PaCe by 3pm. Back to the Barn. Study. Then spend 45mins to an hour reviewing last semesters notes, because then from 5-7pm on Friday's I tutor a group of 1st semester students.  Hike back across campus for this.

Then I absolutely had to go to the store because I literally do not have food in my apartment.  If you open my fridge you will see: Water, and 1/2 an avocado-that-was-being-a-stubborn-bitch-and-refused-to-ripen (and because I had nothing else to eat at lunch, I had chunks of hard avocado.  Turns out, not so palatable).

And if you open all my cupboards you will find: olive oil and Braggs Sauce (which I try to ration out such that it will last me until Aug 17th. So I can only use a couple squirts here and there).

And.  That't it.

Of course there were none of my staple vegetables in there (ie. pumpkin and peppers), so I got a pineapple and prunes (the only dried fruit I can find here that is acceptable).  Just noticed that's a lot of P's.  Back to Barn.  Got in half-a-breath more studying.  Headed home to fill my tummy with pineapple and prunes while I had a lovely skype chat with the wicked-awesome Cassidy Newfield.

This morning I slept in till 530, met my friend Megan around 645, and we went to the Portsmouth market.  I prayed for pumpkin.  And when I got there and saw a vendor with pumpkin I was ecstatic!  I bought all the pumpkin she had - I wasn't taking any chances.  I'm pretty sure it would take a while for pumpkin to go bad, and at the rate through which I go through it... I'm more than confident spoiled pumpkin would never be an issue in my life.  I was also blessed enough to get a bag of spinach (which is a HUGE deal to me) and green peppers.  We were starting to head back out and then I spotted another vendor with pumpkin. Of course I got it. All.

As you can imagine I'm friggin glowing of pure joy at this point.  It was like that shopper's high you get, and you reach a point where you are so high on the endorphins and other chemical-soup swishing through your brain, that you start to go a little overboard.  But there's no reining you in.  You can justify any purchase.  Especially from that point on...

Megan's all "alright I think I have everything I want.  And it looks like those heavy bags full of pumpkin are cutting off the circulation in your arms... So are you done?"

I'm all "Oh ya totally".  We are so close to being out of the market.  And then I see this man standing in the back of his truck.  And it's full of WATERMELONS.  I stop.  Walk over.  "I'll take a small one.  No.  I'll take a medium one."  He pulls one up to show me, and I'm all "that's PERFECT! I'll take it!".  He weighs it.  It's 10lbs.  All.  For.  Me.

I pay him.  And as he half-bent-over to grab the money from me... I see it...hiding in the corner...whole.  pumpkins.  "I'm going to need that pumpkin too please."  He points.  "Yes.  The whole pumpkin. you'll cut it up and take out the insides for me right?"  He's all "oh yes darling of course".  I'm all "Awesome".

Megan tried to interject here to point out that perhaps I already had a lot of pumpkin.  "Megan! I am reaching my dream of having an entire Pumpkin Patch!  Plus, it is such a deal, and it TOTALLY goes with everything!"

Then because I was carrying 500lbs of pumpkin and 10lbs of watermelon and a few other trinckets, I figured it was only logical to get a coconut, for the water of course.  Clearly I had worked up quite a sweat and I needed to replenish my electrolytes.  You're welcome body.

I'm in the Barn now.  Studying the rest of the day.  I just realized I got to this point in the story and got a little lost in the whole 'pumpkin' part of this message, and didn't even get to the animals and rain part. 

Let's just say it has been raining a shittonne the past few days because we are getting the effects of some Tropical Wave.  And that's the extent I know of it.  It rains hard.  Which consequently made the tile walkway up to my apartment door slightly more that friggin slippery.  I totally ate it hard.  And landed in a pile of a trillion dead moths (the swarm of them from last night evidently drown over night).  It was a good moment for me. 

The rest can wait.

xoxo

Slowly Playing Catch Up

Ideally I will do my absolute best to fill you in on some of the past stories and ridiculous thoughts that go through my head on any given day. This may take a while because - well I'm me. And there are just a lot of neurotic and random things going on. 

For example, I am thoroughly convinced that there is a special breed of evil birds here and they have formed their own bird-form of social media to put out the word that I am here for 16 months...and they shall unite to totally eff with me.  I hate birds. And they HATE me.  And Dominican birds hate me EVEN MORE!  I am not making this up. My mom and dad were able to come here back in February for the sweetest but shortest trip, and they were witness to this.  Through unfortunate experiences and observation analysis, I have come to conclude they have 2 main approaches in their attempt to accomplish their current life goal - which is either send me into ventricular tachycardia or see me shit my pants.  Or of course have me found dead with soiled pants.  Obviously it's one of these.  And the battle strategies are the Low-High approach and the High-Low approach.

These stupid creatures will take off at full speed, flying super low and super fast, their disgusting beady eyes gridlocked on me.  I stop where I am.  Frozen with fear.  Absolutely convinced that this is the day they take me out for real.  They aim for the gut. Then at the last second, and I do mean LAST SECOND they do a dramatic 90degree vertical shift and pretty much swoop up my chest past my face. 

Or, I'll just be skipping merrily along, minding my own business, and then panic sets in because once again I see it coming.  This time they are coming from above and are aiming to take my head off.   They fly high and straight. Straight. Straight. Then BAM they freakin' DIVE for my head!  I am not being overly dramatic here.  I literally have to duck.  And on way too many occasions, I have also had to take a leap to the side in a ducked position.  I'm telling you.  They hate me.

Last semester there was one day when a bird was trapped in the bathroom at the barn (the study hall I work in. I don't actually have to pee in a barn) and it was - in a word - traumatizing.  Every time I had to pee, my heart rate would increase with the thought of going into that bathroom.  As soon as I would walk, in I assumed my defensive position of 'low and covered'.  Essentially I walked into the stall in a crouched position with my hands covering my hair (because obviously they would LOVE to get their nasty claws into my perfect nest-like mop of hair).  And I stayed in that position while I conducted my business.  Head down and praying - Please Lord don't let me be found passed out or dead in a bathroom stall. And if it's not too much to ask, could you please strike this bird down right now?  I would literally shake as this bird spastically flew back-and-forth over top of my stall.  Each time landing of the rim of the stallwall.  Taunting me.

You may be thinking - 'oh that poor bird was just trapped in there and probably just scared because he couldn't find his way out'... In which case, it is a good thing I can't read your thoughts because I would be forced to put you in a serious friendship-timeout!!  I'm not insane, and if I WAS insane... well that would just be a really bad move on your part to be unloyal to a crazy person.

Okay that is enough bird talk.  I have shivers now.  Moving on.

Today we continued with lectures in our Gastrointestinal module.  In particular, we had 2 hours on parasites.  Two main things I would like to share from this... 1) there is a bug in the Americas relevant to our study called the Reduviid, and it carries the parasite Trypanosoma cruzi.  It is also known as the "kissing bug" because this romantic lil effer most commonly bites the cheek.  Now, this parasite is transmitted via feces... so how does Casanova accomplish this?  That's right.  Whilst biting you on the cheek, it SHITS on your cheek.  Way to ruin the mood.  And then... that area feels irritated - for obvious reasons - so you will scratch, and it's the scratching which actually allows the entry of the parasite into your body.   If that was a relationship, I'd say you just got dumped.   What.  An asshole. 

2) most of the parasites we have talked about thus far are acquired through contamination of food/water with fecal matter.  So it's safe to say that I am now envisioning microscopic pieces of shit on everything.  The table?  My green pepper I ate at lunch? The person's hand I just shook? Poop.

From 1-3pm on Thursdays I have PBL (Problem Based Learning) session. This is essentially like a scene out of the show House - except with way less attractive people.  But the concept is the same - we are given mock cases about a patient, presenting with particular symptoms.... we have to use the white board to jot down data, analysis, differential diagnoses etc etc.  We get the case in little bits in the form of strips of paper.  So we will get a little bit of info, discuss our analysis of it, write down anything we are unsure of as a "learning issue" to research for next weeks session, then we will get the next strip of paper giving us a little more information (such as lab results). 

There are 8 students and 1 facilitator. I actually have a really good group this semester.  So far it differs from my group last year in the sense that I haven't had the overwhelming urge to leap across the table and punch someone in the face.  Our facilitator is a recent Ross graduate, and he is great about giving us little bits of inside-info.  Plus, he is from Puero Rico and has this heavy Spanish accent so that adds to the entertainment value.  Today we were discussing different causes of finding elevated myoglobin and Creatine Kinase in blood work (markers for muscle damage), and were focusing on the fact that our patient was training for a marathon at the time of his illness blahblahblah...  So then our facilitator, let's call him Enrique, jumps in there and is all, "anoootherrrr possseeble cause could be coontraactive sneeezes'.  And I peek around the girl sitting next to me to look at him, and he's doing this weird flexing thing with his body. So I'm all, "Whoa!! having big sneezes can cause muscle damage from the spasticity of muscles contracting!? Wild."

Then fellow Canadian guy is all 'NO Taylor.  SEIZURES'.  and I'm all "oopsiedaisies".

And now I am back at the barn for the rest of the day.  Learn about some more parasites. 

So this didn't do much in catching you up on past things... but I promise I will get to it!  One story in particular involves accidentally going a date.  Possibly twice. 

And I have my camera charged and will carry it with me so I can actually take pictures of  the stupid random little things as I pass by them to share with you.

More to come...

Xoxo