You Are The Weakest Link. Goodbye.

And now - another edition of "Slide Taken From A Lecture"...

You're welcome. 

Not only is this picture hilarious in-and-of-itself, especially when it is thrown into a lecture powerpoint in medical school... But then I start imaging what all these people would have been saying in this *awkward* situation...
Bottom Left: "It's okay big fella.  You are in good hands here.  We got this under control."
2nd Left: "Oh shit. I'm not really sure what I'm doing here.  I'm fairly certain that if I just clamp here.  Then CUT this ball off... yeah... that should be alright.   Right?  Oh well doesn't matter now... here it goes!"
3rd Left: "Does it help if I apply pressure here?"
Guy on Right: "Geez this guy is a real squirmer.  Hold still you little bugger!! Maybe if you didn't go tuggin on your balls all day you wouldn't be in this position! Did you ever think about that!?!"
Patient:  " Oh my eff!! Please stop! Please! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!?!"

This is what endless hours of studying and lack of social interaction does.  Obviously I am brilliant at entertaining myself.  

And now... The continuation in the story...

Since I last told you about Theodore... I can't remember where I last filled you in so if I repeat some stuff I'm sorry.

It was a least a few weeks ago now that he had his semesters' exam, and that afternoon he came by the barn to tell me he made me lunch. And that it was gluten free. I thinking - oh my damn. oh. my. damn. I *so* did NOT see this coming.  So I robotically get up and follow him to his apartment. He tells me to sit down. and "he serve me" because "I am the princess."

 First of all, I didn't like my demotion from Queen. Second of all, it is SO hot and humid... plus I'm getting anxious about this date that I accidentally stumbled into. The sweat is starting to friggin POUR.

So we start eating. He starts telling me some of his life story. Turns out he is from Lebanon. I am fully aware I am not overly culturally aware. At first I thought maybe he was from India. Then he said he played for his national soccer team and plays on a rec team at school. So I asked what their team name was and he was all 'viva italiana'. So then I got really confused and thought 'well hey...maybe he's Italian with a really different sort of Italian accent?"

ya. no. He is from lebanon. Okay moving on. I'm all - "that's so nice of you to make me lunch. you didn't have to do that. blahblahblah."

He's all - "well I really like you. I've liked you since last semester. But I always hated that guy you were always with (Bernard) because I thought he was your boyfriend."

So now I'm really sweating. And I mean that my food is now extra salty because the friggin sweat is friggin falling from my face like I just dove into a lake.  

I'm just looking at my food. swallow. Then look up and and say well that's nice, but just so we are on the same page and there's no mixed messages...I'm really not looking for anything more than friends.

He kinda paused. And is like 'oh okay. yes of course.'

Then awkward pause.. and the details of specific words exchanged are kind of fuzzy because 1) I was in mid heatstroke and 2) I blocked some of this out.

Thankfully we were able go get through the rest of the lunch, and actually had good conversation. 

OH! But I need to point out that early into the lunch he's obviously noticing my glasses fogging up due to my own body emitting so much friggin heat.  And I keep trying to somewhat-gracefully catch the falling giant beads of sweat before they drown me (he was sweating too. But I already sweat more than any given man - because I'm *super* blessed in my feminine nature... so let's just say I was probably sweating more).  So being the gentleman that he is, he's all "let's move into the bedroom."

... "for the A/C."

I'm like "oh are you a little too warm out here? I barely noticed the heat. I have excellent thermoregulation." 

Lie. I was all "oh thank you! I am totally going to pass out due to hypovolemic shock if I sit out here for another minute!" 

And then... I'm sitting at the desk. Talk talk talk. Praying the A/C will cool me down. Fast.  Then dear, sweet, knightly Theodore gets up, goes to his closest, comes back, and hands me a nice clean face cloth.  Yeah... to dab my face with.  Gotta say - this was a first for me.  It's not everyday a girl has a guy get her a cloth to soak up the sweat pouring from her ENTIRE face.  

I know. I ooooze regal feminism right now.  

And while this is never quite the ideal situation for a woman and could possibly lead to a feeling called 'embarrassment'... I totally DIDN'T!  I was only thankful. 

So I finish as much of the lunch as I can (he dished me enough for a 600lb man). Then he's like "oh but I have something else for you."  Comes back with a big bowl of chocolate icecream. With sliced banana around the edges. Topped with frozen pineapple and slivered almonds.

But just for me. not for him. I really didn't want to eat it. But what was I supposed to do!?!? So I sat there and ate it. If for anything but to cool me the eff down.

So since then he had toned it down quite a bit. He wasn't the typical boymean-after-they've-been-shotdown. Was still as sweet as ever. Just toned down the overly flattering remarks (did I tell you one night I got home after studying all day in the barn and he texted me 'with all the respect. you made the color yellow more elegant and lovely')?

Last week after my exam and then anatomy lab exam, I was a little upset over the lab exam. and that night he texted me "sweetie don't worry it's only worth the equivalent of 3 questions on a mini". I threw my phone. (it totally didn't break.  that little $20 thing was built to last!)  Even if I was given a personality transplant and decided I even *wanted* a boyfriend, I don't think I'd allow him to call me sweetie.

Moving on. on Friday evening he asked me if Saturday night I wanted to go get some icecream or something (and I just saw him talking to another friend of his so I thought it would be non-exclusive). So I awkwardly said 'ya we will see how much I get done because I am going to a clinic with Salabyia.'

I did end up doing the clinic. It's way up in the native territory. That is another long story in and of itself.

Interviewed my first psychiatric patient which was an interesting experience.

LONG ass day in the bushvillages. in scrubs. in 100F 100%humidity. I'm *pretty* sure I lost 3 lbs at least in sweat alone. Didn't eat from 6am to 5pm. But didn't know it till I got home at 5. So I shower. eat. and start studying at home. Theodore texted me asking if I was okay (because I wasn't at the barn all day and that almost never happens). I reply that I just got home. As I am mid-prayer that he won't ask about going out tonight..the message appears 'are you still in for tonight? It's my birthday.'

Well shit. You can't say no! How do you say no!? So I study a couple hours,then meet him. and only him. I kept thinking he would throw in "oh so-and-so is going to meet us there", but nope.  We go to the little coffeehouse they have here. On the walk there he picks a flower and gives it to me. Gets my latte. Makes me try his blended dessert-type drink.  I'm all 'oh that's good', even though I would never ever in a million years drink more than a sip.  But he LEAPS out of his chair is like "Oh I will get you one now!!"  I'm all 'NO! I already have this one!!" He's persistent "No No you like it. I get for you!" 

"Please no! I can't drink two."  Panic.  "You can save if for next time." 

He sits down smiling "okay!"

Oopsiedaisies.  Well played Theodore.  Well.  Played.  

soo. that's that. 

Now we are to the present time.  Went to the market again yesterday (Saturday).  Stocked up on pumpkin, watermelon, and pineapple.  Of course. 

Meanwhile, my family is in France.  Sipping wine. Being Fabulous and Fancy.  Celebrating Lindsay and Dav's wedding (which will be on the July 12th).  

Obviously I'd give up my first born to be there with them.  It is the total McShits knowing that I'm missing my sister's wedding.  But... C'est la vie.  Check out Chelsa's pictures!  They are amazingly fabulous!

Xoxo